Illegitimi non Carborundum

It seems I have already broken my schedule. I went to bed at midnight and didn't drool all over myself at church. Whoopee! Can I keep it up?

Phat Dragon and I are having a tremendous argument on ICQ, but I do not have a record as it takes place on the request and denial boxes for authorization. It's funny how Phat Dragon totally ignores what you are actually saying and twists it so that he can make fun of you. As of now, I am a homosexual illiterate Nazi Jew. I predict all future messages to me will be initiated with "deer gay fag dum nasi jo..." Go figure.

Before I forget, I would like to give Mr. Potatohead the traditional German crack-the-spine-and-toss-'em-around-like-a-ragdoll hug and big wet sloppy kiss on each cheek (I guess that fits in with your female theory, Hal). In brutha-speech, props to da man. The Sycamore Tree is doing a great job of not relying on people to send n*ws in, but going out there and digging up some things to be posted. In addition, he gives the info which is posted in somewhat bland manner on other sites a very "potatoish" character, and not just putting it up for the sake of posting. He puts some thought into what is being published, and the quality of the reading shows it.

While I'm at it, why don't I just go through and give a little "review" to all those major news sites out there?

The Newswire. Hal's doing a great job of entertaining us young'uns with his rants and stories. If you haven't already, go check out his latest on Bundy's Place. We all know Spif is just a HTML-illiterate sob whose wife is too busy to type his updates for him any more! Newswire keeps me coming back. Thumbs up.

Keeg and Betastorm ... what can I say? Looks like the incurable fungus of real life has infected the toenail of your spooning desire. Sorry to hear it, hope you go buy some of that toenail-fungus-eater-upper stuff I keep seeing on TV.

ETF. Deadpool is a non-sequitur type of guy. Ever noticed how he can just bounce around without blinking an eye? Read that Yellow Duck N*ws once. (I'm color blind, don't give me any cheek if I made "Yellow" green.) I don't think that guy has ever stayed on one topic for more than two sentences! His innate Canuck charm helps me to glass ober his faults and still enjoy that nonsense. Keep it up Dr. Pepper! Thumbs up!

Oh boy Hal just sent me a great message about the Phat Dragon.

Ah!!!!! hehe ....he is the shits!!

I'm dying here...I read it five minutes ago and I'm still laughing. Hal you are a true comic, intentional or not! And I've mentioned you three times in one post. Yeow. You must be doing something right.

Back to the reviews.

Coolguy: update and they will come. I imagine that toenail-fungus is pretty contagious...

However I believe Sgt. Coolguy was the first to use the Official Citadel Spam Mailing List in order to broadcast the update to his map, 2sarge_. I can tell this kid has his head on straight. And I quote,

Decided to make my first real use of this here mass spam mailing list to announce ...

All right! Way to go! I'm proud of ya, bud! What a head on those shoulders!

SailorScout: you'll probably get double the hits now that you finally listened to me.

Various clan pages (e.g. Braveheart, Gothic Terror): you guys have something going. If only it was going on a regular basis!

Someone's TF. Should I have even brought this up? You guys need a Neronic disclaimer up there. I would rather gouge out my eyes and set my hair on fire than see what you posted yesterday, knowing what I know now. It's that weirdo Redrum that's turning your site into a pit of oppossum retchings and psoriasis collections! Though I did see something very nice on the page the other day:

One note: Server admins, keep running Mega TF, it keeps all the bastard cheaters/glowskinners all at those servers with cheezy as crap - everything TF should not be. That leaves other servers cleaner.

Good point. I kind of hold that opinion about other mods. Whenver I get in a mood to be a whiny little lame-arse baby, I just go play CTF or DM. That way my mod stays cleaner, and maybe I push some people to give up on those dumb games and come play TF.

At any rate, I am dead serious about Redrum. Do not click on any link that he puts up. That guy is one sick little cockroach. Someone's TF gets a thump up the ... erm, sorry. (I used to like that site. Sad to see it turn into Redrum's pr0n archive!)

The Citadel: The Site that
Previews Someone's TF for Bad Stuff
So You Don't Have To®

UK Fortress Desk-of-some-sort. Most active message board I have ever seen on the web, bar none. Plus it's run by Brits. Thumbs up.

OzTF. The title of your site is longer than the width of my bookmark pane. I deleted it because I hate seeing that "..." in the list. It breaks up the symmetry and leaves the whole motif I have laboriously crafted in shambles. It is beneath me to actually edit the bookmark file and alter the title so it will fit (plus the temptation to name it something like "Poopy-head's page" is overwhelming). To me, this outweighs the fact that I can usually get information from you at very strange hours of the day or night, and that little thing about VG being in with TFS. Fix it and I will pay attention to that little Robotech punk, Suicidal-Sniper. Or S-Sniper as he calls himself ... talk about a transparent attempt at being "in"! Thumbs DOWN!

So concludes my impromptu review of the major TF pages, along with today's update. Too bad that Quake2fortress FTP doesn't work (again!).

And Phat Dragon -- on the left side of the page, click on the words "Town Hall." Knowing you, you'll probably screw those instructions up, but I thought I would give it a try anyway. To those who contest that I am the Phat Dragon, don't you think I would be doing publicity stunts on my own board instead of drawing readers over to a competitor's?

Well, it's very, very early Saturday morning. Not really that early; it's almost dawn. Well, in a couple of hours anyway. Now begins my weekly regimen of late nights and persuading myself that one more day tacked onto the end of the weekend won't be so bad. My typical thought process throughout the week:

Friday night --
Stay up until three or four in the morning, looking for things to do, typing updates, and playing Quake. Not too exciting, but knowing that Friday night is Quake night helps keep the addiction controllable during the week.

Saturday --
Wake up (earliest: one o'clock) and mosey around the house pretending to do helpful things until three or four. Go to work, come back with pockets overflowing with $1 from all the ladies slipping 'em under my belt (I'm not a stripper! I work at a restaurant, dammit! I put subliminal messages in the restaurant music). Depending on my mood or how hard flexing for everyone was at work, I hop on ICQ and stay up late again.

Sunday --
Church is murder. Nine o'clock a.m., and it's a half-hour drive. I give a hanky to whoever sits next to me so they can keep me upright and wipe the drool from my sagging jaw. Congregation gives me an evil look as I stumble out because they couldn't hear the homily over my snores. The rest of the day is spent bonding with the family -- i.e. saying "g'night" to each other and then crashing on our respective beds, the blissful sleep being interrupted only by overwhelming urges to "drain the main vein" and consume ... consumables. Occasionally we will go see an IMAX film or mindlessly run around the yard for a few minutes and make it look like we're getting exercise.

Monday --
I'm still pooped from staying up late so I don't wake up until about nine or so; then I catch some radio just to get my mind going. The night before I had decided that 2 days off is just not enough for a hardworking guy like myself, so I thought I would give my body a rest and sleep in. I pour myself out of bed and make my way to the kitchen for a leisurely breakfast and then a shower (not in the kitchen). I then proceed downstairs to check email, ICQ, and the Town Hall. Maybe I type an update, maybe I sit there and check all the TF sites. It depends on my modd. I avoid going anywhere near my desk, just in case I have a change of thought and consider doing schoolwork that early in the week. <shiver> I spend the rest of the day online, with the word processor open in the background and closing everything but my "paper" (actually a junior year English exercise) every time anyone comes near. Check ICQ just before bed, stay up late reading.

Tuesday --
Only six or seven hours of sleep, so I'm still beat. Wake up late, listen to radio for an hour or two. Finish off whatever I was reading the night before. Start with lunch, shower and sit at my desk for a few minutes until I can't take it any more. I race over to the computer, get online, and check my stuff -- but there's nothing there since I had checked it ten hours ago (not many people online during the day). Screw around until I have to go to work, then come home and fall asleep on the floor with a can of raw cashews in my hand.

Wednesday --
Wake up and spend an hour working the kinks out of my body, and trying to get the drool stains out of the carpet. Obviously I drool a lot, but only when I'm sleeping in a very strange position (e.g. on my stomach). I start feeling like I should do some schoolwork, but that guilt quickly goes away after I get into a good game on BH public. I update my webpage afterwards, grab some dinner, and then go out with the homeys until late. Stay up reading.

Thursday --
Wake up with a resolution to turn over a new leaf. I'm rearin' to go and work on schoolwork and finish 2 quarters' worth within the next three days. After a nice tall glass of pulpy orange juice and a bran muffin I forget all about it and spend the rest of the day making fun of Hal's collection of used Depends on IRC. Go to bed three hours after I fall asleep watching ER.

Friday --
This time the resolution sinks in. I take notes on a couple chapters, do some typing on the research paper, but manage to fit frequent and refreshing breaks into my scehdule. Around noon I get bored and check my ICQ and email, but then reluctantly return to my desk. While taking notes on the book I"m reading, unwittingly my feet find the wall in front of my desk and start pushing me backwards towards the computer. I do not notice this until my elbow catches on the corner of the computer room, as I am totally -- totally -- engrossed in the passionate and riveting account of how Alexander Hamilton convinced the people of New York that the proposed U.S. Constitution did indeed prevent the will of the people from dividing into factions and destroying the newly independent nation. These interruptions are frustrating, and I push myself all the way back across the room. It happens several more times, and finally my legs manage to push me across the threshold without my noticing. At this moment my mother comes downstairs and I have a hell of a time explaining to her how I got over by the computer again.

By the time Friday evening rolls around I've convinced myself that I've worked myself to the bone this week, and reward myself with a good 6-7 hour dose of Team Fortress.

Repeat ad nauseum...

So there you go. That's how my life works. Well not really ... I actually made it a lot more complicated and intricate for the sake of my readers (e.g. I didn't really drink that tall glass of orange juice).

I can't believe it has taken me this long to figure out why I couldn't save my Corel Photo-paint images as .gif to make them transparent. You'll notice the nice spiffy new sidebar which is transparent for your viewing pleasure. Something about palettes or some other graphic junk that I never learned. Only took me four months, folks! But I did it. Looks much better in my opinion.

Also, if you're interested in that sound I made a long time ago and then lost, I seemed to have discovered it under the gigantic mound of fragmented files and empty folders on an unused corner of the hard drive. If you're in for a laugh, albeit a strange one (hell even Mythias said it was strange), listen here.

I just exited another game of TF, and let me tell you, I am having some problems. I have determined that they are QuakeWorld related, and that they have only occurred after the upgrade to QW v2.21. I wrote Zoid concerning this problem:

My dear, dear Zoid,

Here's the deal. I use a weapon toggle alias to switch back and forth between two weapons, say, the pipebomb and gren launcher for demoman (impulse 6 and 7). During a firefight I cannot use this. No matter how long I hold down the button or how hard I mash it, the alias does not work.

As I do not know if you are familiar with Team Fortress or not I will perhaps go a little too in-depth. I have a key bound to throw a grenade. The alias for this (made in TF itself) is +gren1. However I created another alias, called +tgren1, to play a .wav file and then prime a grenade using +gren1. This alias does not work during a firefight. Often it will simply prime the grenade (+gren1) but not execute the throw (-gren1), if it executes the +gren1 at all. These aliases worked absolutely perfectly previous to 2.21 (worked on 2.2). I have consulted with Robin of TFS and he says that it has nothing to do with the new TF code.

Could you shed any light on this situation? It would be appreciated, as my game has gone into the sh*tter lately.
Thanks,
Nick
aka Moriarty

I have not heard back from Zoid yet. Think it was the greeting?

What's frustrating is, it only happens during light to heavy action -- when I need it the most. If I use the key bound to "special" for the pyro, which accomplishes the weapon switch, then it works fine. If I use the regular alias for a grenade, +gren1, I'm just peachy. Only when I have multiple components within an alias does it fail to execute. I have tried inserting "wait" commands at various points within the aliases, but still no luck. I recall there being processor problems with the new QuakeWorld code, and I am certain that this is causing the problem now.

Any of you using the Grenade Timer by SliM? This is what I use and this is what is not functioning properly. Anybody have any ideas, or similar problems? To date I have found no one else with such embarassing failures.

And I know what you're thinking. You think I concocted this elaborate story to give myself an excuse for constantly letting my grenades go off in my hand. Well, trust me on this one -- I'm not making it up. I used to be a top-notch grenade tosser but now I am blowing off fingers and knocking myself silly with green and concussion grenades. It is driving me nuts and I have no idea how I manage to operate, dependent as I am on grenades.

Uh ... damn. I thought maybe I had avoided coming under the scrutiny of the bloodshoot eyes and muddled brain of PhD. And, by the way, fie to StealthRT for making me share my professor status with someone else.

If anyone is interested in keeping the Phat Dragon page going, hop on over there and talk with Stealth. This really is a funny page, and I'm sure there are other fanatics out there that would love to have the opportunity to reveal their mania for all that is Phat Dragon.

I got accused of cheating on the Clan IVS server yesterday. It's running 2.21 and 2.8. This guy chased me all the way from his flag to my battlement and couldn't touch me with his flamethrower. He said, "there's no way you could've survived all that." I was quiet for a bit and then said, "what can I say?" He retorted with "I can say you're cheating." I wish I could let go of things like that, but I can't; what's even more frustrating is that I'm sitting there talking to this guy through a keyboard, and absolutely NONE of the rage I am trying to spit at him is getting through. I choke under pressure. Hell, I couldn't think up a really good insult if I worked on it for hours.

Oh, for the days of the master server that would track each and every person online, each time they got in a game. I don't understand why they ever got rid of it. So many problems could be solved just by reinstating it!

Sheist! Buggerin Q2F FTP isn't working now.

I'm keeping today's update short, just because I spent too much time on yesterday's. Plus I'm still put out about this whole TF2 thing. Herz un munde und tat und leiben...

Well, yesterday and today were quite hectic. My sister departed for Italy at eight a.m. this morning, and the time up till then was, ah, spent the way my family typically prepares for trips. After waking up around 5:30 (oh, the humanity!) it was a furious race to the finish. Thankfully, this time there was only one of us leaving, so the other three could (in theory) help the one. Oh well, theories don't always pan out.

So, my blood pressure has had time to drop, and the car is in the shop for the minor damage incurred in the wild trip to KCI (new tires to replace the bald rear ones, little fender repair, broken front seat recliner mechanisms, from backseat passengers frantic clawing for a handhold). But we made it before takeoff! That means it's time to update.

Before I forget, I just want to send a great big wet kiss and hug to that super-duper detective, DieHard. He had things figured out long ago, and I was the skeptic (even though it was based on what I thought to be a very big hint). So, way to go man! That's some great work, now we just need to work on that accent. I bet with some effort your accent could rival Kinlord's!

However, with this news, I am bummed to the extreme. According to the article which was released yesterday, TF2 will be released as an addon pack to Half-Life, to be released in the fall. The FALL. The fall is when people go back to school, or in my case, go for the first time. Yeah, that means college. I'll be long gone by the time the release date rolls around, with no internet access and most likely a computer that is even shittier than the one I have now (really, my computer is not shitty, but compared to the rest of the internet buffs out there, mine really DOES seem like it needs the 2-digit date). The whole time I have been assuming that I would get to see TF2 but now it's the proverbial carrot on the end of the stick. At any rate, my days are numbered here, and they're going to go a lot faster than I want them to. I will see Half-Life, and what a great game it is. I will hear oodles of information about what TF2 is going to be doing with all the features of the Half-Life engine. I will passionately wish that the end of the world comes soon so I can play TF2 in heaven (presumptuous? I hope not), and I will cry myself to sleep every night.

In other n*ws (I am cussin up a storm today), the message board has suddenly sprung back to life. Here's your chance to make fun of Kinlord, guys ... but then you can always turn it around and pick on someone else. There are a lot of good suggestions happening in there. Currently I'm working up something for Matt, but for some reason it just doesn't have the same impact. Maybe because Matt likes it? Masochist. It looks like it annoys Kinlord (or not, maybe he's just putting up token protest and getting his licks in too), and maybe that's why people do it so much. No one likes poking fun at a lifeless beanbag.

"Hey! Look at that big flabby beanbag! Man, you are UUUU-HUUU-GLY! Need to work some of those beans off eh? But not the way people usually work off beans. I'm talkin' treadmills and Solosex machines! Nyah nyah nyah!"

Obviously not funny. Take a good exchange of insults, that's much more entertaining. A good example of which is on the Town Hall now.

You know what I'm secretly wishing for? I want Curt to come back. Curt was the king of all insults on the good old days at the MB over on Sgt. Coolguy's. He had to leave, though; I don't know if someone else was writing under a pseudonym, or he was the real thing, but he could have me in stitches in seconds. If any of you remember the printer one, posted in response to Adrenalin's claim to fame, post a message on the Hall and I will have a good reminisce with ye.

I just realized that I had the caption "Old N*ws" over my links to the Citadel Archives, but without the * which is usually used to justify the use of any bad word in text. What the hell was I thinking? It's been changed, sorry for the presence of that disgusting word on this page. Where are the censors when you really need them?

Deadpool pointed this out to me, who had it pointed out to him by SirLiam. It's an excellent 1024x768 background image, a screenshot from Half-Life which has grossed out (why, I can't imagine ... they're just wimps) my entire family. If you have a resolution less than that, you can click on yesterday's link and check out the screenshots in Redwood's Half-Life review. There are some great potential wallpaper images in there for 800x600 and less. Get the large one here.

By the way, Billings, I snagged that Foo Fighters CD you've been raving about. Not bad, not bad at all.

Man, this sucks. There has not been a decent update on Keeg's for a week, and in the meantime they've gotten around two thousand hits. Spricht baghert icht schrieb fook!

If a certain person on my contact list does not shape up soon, I'm gonna start a journal of his ICQ habits and post it for public ridicule.

-- POST SCRIPT JUNK I FORGOT TO ADD ORIGINALLY --

Ordinarily I would not link to such an obvious waste of time and energy as the following site, but I feel that I am bound to pass it one because of our (uh...my) commitment to bring the Citadel readership only the weerdest and most entertaining material which happens to be on the mind of the author at any given moment. Note I did not say anything about a topic! I'm sure you all know by now that the Citadel is unrestricted in scope, though propriety and common decency are always observed. Funny how that topic comes up whenever what's-his-name is brought into the situation.

So, I'd like you all to go here and read this multi-page truckload of intestinal flotsam. I simply could not pass this up. Rain, or Neuron, or Nimrod, I would like to let you know that your disclaimer has now been added to my Humor Hall of Fame, along with articles from Boggs, Fluffy, and HellFace (sorry if I broke rule #10!). This is a list of the funniest stories / articles / posts which I have come across and deserve to be immortalized because of their preeminent comedic value. I am not totally sure whether the whole thing was done tongue-in-cheek or what (it's even funnier if it's serious), but all the same it's one big load of laughs. From the main news page (I decided to comply with the disclaimer and enter, even though it seemed like I had to cut off my first, third, and fifth fingers, chop them into tiny pieces, and offer them to that god Neuron ... thought I'd print it just in case you didn't fit the disclaimer and couldn't enter):

I used my extensive legal experience to write it [the disclaimer]. I know all the loop-holes (hell, I invinted most of them). If you have somehow bypassed the disclaimer, you are still required to read it, and your presence here affirms your full agreement with it and consent to it. Hey, my ass is covered. The days of f*cking around are over.

Wow. I was shaking in my boots after reading that. What legal prowess and bravado! It's painfully obvious to me that this being's intellect is far superior to the measly human sack of pondscum we call a brain.

At any rate, I had alot more to say about this and how I seem to have heard it all before, but I have probably said too much already. Unless this guy (god?) comes up with something even funnier, it's the last time I'll mention [insert divine pronoun here].

Yes, the time has come for one of us to depart. Due to real life issues beyond his control, Mythias will no longer be on the staff of The Citadel. It's been a good two months and two days, and I'm glad I eventually made the decision to bring another guy on to help me out. Mythias brought a lot to the site and it's our loss to see him go. Where would we be without Red Meat, Zug, or those terms which have become household words among a select group of "special bus kids"? I'm not sure, but I do know that things would not be quite so weerd as they are now. And that, my friends, is a Good Thing.

For that, my gratitutde is thine, and I wish thee good luck and Godspeed in thy future endeavours.

Well, unless I go and bring someone else on board, at least I won't have to mess with those stupid headers any more. Makes it look too much like one of those ... other pages.

Anyway I think I have to retract my retraction that I made yesterday. The situation has been clarified: {NM} Pat Smear is NOT the real Pat Smear (he has another name in his ICQ info and his homepage is under a different name). He is not part of the Foo Fighters, despite some ambiguous messages which kind of lead me on. So, we do not have a celebrity in our midst, and I have succeeded in completing (yet again) the online equivalent of driving down the highway at night and mooning the car next to us, only to discover it is the family of one of the car's occupants.

Don't even ask.

I highly encourage everyone to check out this preview of Half-Life by Redwood. You have a very good reason to do so, namely, I told you to. This impressed me very much, just as good (if not better) as that Trespasser preview I stuck up here a few weeks ago. I can't wait to hear more about it from E3.

Pink taco day -- Moriarty

Well slap my bottom and call me wigwort! My face is red, I'm staring at my feet, and having difficulty talking. That means I'm embarassed, folks. Doubly so. First off -- maybe some of you remember a few days ago when I expressed a desire to become a "road scholar." Much to my chagrin I discovered that this is not the proper spelling of this program. It was instituted by some rich old bugger named "Rhodes," (or was it Rhode?) thus the name "Rhodes Scholar." Talk about idiotification.

Secondly -- though unconfirmed -- I must retract a statement that I made four days ago regarding names. I had laughed very hard at {NM} Pat Smear's name, because I thought he had taken it as an alias and a pun on the phrase "pap smear". Well, it turns out that this is his real name! Now, having the last name that I do, making fun of other peoples' [real] names is not a privelege I am able to enjoy, because they usually throw it right back in my face. Anyway, I would like to apologize to the man and retract my statement made. Maybe this is making things worse by drawing attention to it but I do not want anyone to think that I was poking fun at someone's name.

And, by the way, apparently this guy is / was in the band Foo Fighters? Wowsers! And he was on my contact list all along! Nothing cooler than finding a real-life celebrity in the scene. Heh, could you imagine watching Robin Williams playing deathmatch online?

I know something you don't know! I know something you don't know! But it won't be long before you know too...

Sorry. Had to get that out of my system.

Ripoff time

The HPB's Prayer
----------------
Lo, while I step off the battlements into the green grass,
I shall not fear the 30 ping snipes.
I shall not fear,
for I am so lagged, I will merely find myself
in the comfort of my respawn.
And though I die quickly, albeit over and over again,
I shall not want.
For in the end I know,
they are all ping.
Amen.

HAHHAHHA! I saw this over at the Sycamore Tree and died the first time I read it. It was written by Squash59|DV, and I think it expresses quite succinctly what the majority of us go through every time a body part is exposed to the view of the enemy snipers. This prayer has enabled me to gain great inner peace and tranquility, and I think my environment and those around me are the better for it (in addition to my wallet -- throwing speakers through the drywall is mucho tougho on the dinero).

Wasn't that just a blast, talking to your Spanish / French / German / Latin teachers and fellow classmates in a contorted and wholly fictional combination of English and whatever language you were taking? We always called it Spanglish. Spanish class was the center of my education, something I looked forward to daily. It would never get our teacher angry; a lot of times, he would really enjoy what we would come up with. I have forgotten many of the little phrases we came up with but they never failed to get a laugh out of everyone.

Back to what I was saying. The prayer of the High Ping Bastard is a necessary and rewarding commencement for my TF playing. I have a prayer rug woven with a chaotic mess of reds and blues and greens, to represent the ritual mixing of human parts as an appeasement for the insatiable desire to entertain ourselves. As my game is checked for its proper contents (the prayer would not be heeded if my own "karma" did not conform to the ceremonial laws which extend back to cavemen preparing for a game of "Smear the Queer"), I bow my head and say the prayer. I then rise, toss the rug over my left shoulder, and anoint myself with holy water.

And THAT'S why I render thy corporeal remains into vapor. Thou art nothing more than a mist hanging in the air, stinging my eyes.

Weerd

Finally got a decent job. Going to be working at a restaurant 2 blocks from my house which has just opened, I think their motto is "Serving yuppies with a smile." Obviously yuppies are the top item on the menu. Tips are nice, though.

IGL goes gold -- Moriarty

I have some good news -- the IGL will be playing Canalzone all week. This is great! Finally this map is being elevated to the status it deserves. I dropped Helmut a note, and perhaps we can work something out between us in the Canalzone Project and the IGL league so that they can get some benefit from the work we are doing for the strategy guide. As of now we are working on recording multiple demos in order to give you a first-person view of the map and its secrets hidden deep within in addition to other tools which will knock your socks off.

It looks as if natural selection is rearing its ugly head again. TF 2.8 and QW 2.21 have been out for quite a while, and there are a great many servers still running 2.7 and QW 2.1. Meanwhile the 2.8 / 2.21 servers lay empty. Those servers which are not updated within the next few days will be moved to my "never ping" list. Server admins in general, though generous with their resources, are rather removed from the scene as they are usually working full time jobs and so forth and can't stay as up to date on the latest upgrades and revisions than us people with free time. Those that immediately upgrade and provide a well-maintained and controlled server are appreciated, but sadly, they are in the minority.

Down in front!

My father, being in the sales business, has a lot of toys which he uses to impress customers. Fortunately, ever since I was a kid, he would bring cool stuff home for me to goof around with. These "toys" have varied from nice little laptop computers to Russian night-vision goggles (no idea how he got ahold of these, but that's another story). This weekend, it was a projector to hook up to your computer and blow your screen up to anywhere from 4' x 5' to movie screen size, at resolutions over 1024 x 768.

You realize what popped into my head, don't you?

I had that puppy plugged in in seconds and my hand worked the mouse to book up GL Quake in record time. Wooowee baby was that a trip! That little dinky shotgun was bigger than my head! I was watching the first ever REAL Quake movie! I even did a little Operation Bayside just to make it an official Quake movie. But TF...was great. I had a blast. I actually found a 2.8 / 2.21 server with people on it and was fragging away...I almost cried when I saw my sentry gun. Truly majestic!

I put the headphones on and was totally immersed. This was the first time I ever had to use my peripheral vision to play Quake. Things would make me jump out of my chair repeatedly, they would startle me so much. Quake 2 was equally spectacular. Hearing rockets float by and then watching the sparks fall from the flaming trail was just mind-boggling. This could really be something for those pay-to-play joints, or even college. (: Too bad the thing costs over $10 grand and has to go back with pops tomorrow. Screw this 17" monitor BS. Give me a patch of drywall and a clear path, and I will rule the world.

Big as my monitor is, I feel like I'm squinting now.

Anyway a friend of mine just bought Need for Speed 2 a little while ago, and he dropped it off last night for me to mess around on. What a great game! There are some things that bug me but it was much better than the demo which I had downloaded. I had a blast with it...here are some screenshots for you if you're interested.

...Watching spewners idiotify themselfs -- Moriarty

Yes it's true. Gladly I am sane enough that I never do it.

It amuses me greatly to see webpage updaters to copy/paste the date to the next day's, and then coming up with something like "May 20nd" and "April 24rd." Mythias did it on his last update, Betastorm did it on her last one, Deadpool does it all the time. What fun to laugh at them!

And, ah, by the way, did Potato say "ahh the crack is good" on his page, with a Cockney accent? If so, I think this is something for CSPAN or CNN...

Within the past two days I have come across people's TF names in real life -- the first being Dyermaker (D'yer Maker) and the second being Occams Razor (Occam's / Ockham's Razor). How very strange! I think it's cool though, people who actually have something behind the name, instead of some generic thing like "Bloodthirsty" or "Jack-the-Ripper." Probably the funniest name I have come across to date is that of {NM}Pat Smear. LOL!

TC at the Daily Dementia didn't like my pissy email. Didn't think it was genuine. *sigh* when will you people learn? I am ALWAYS serious! If I write you telling you that your page makes my eyes bleed, I MEAN IT! If I write you saying that I would rather have my eardrums bored out with a handfile than listen to your RA show, I MEAN IT!! If I write you saying that I would prefer sacrificing my first three children to Alouitious the Love Hound instead of playing on your POS TF server, I MEAN IT!!!

Unless I put one of those "(:" things at the end. Then, I'm just kidding.

...Leaving two very important Scots off the list

Yes, it was brought to my attention that I have most grievously left two widely acknowledged Scotsmen off my list of Scottish TF players! After the revelation was made, I repeatedly slapped myself on the forehead (with a bag o'haggis) for forgetting them. Anyway, these guys were on the list by default anyway, because you knew how forgetful I can be sometimes, and how easy it is for a guy to miss the sign right in front of his face. Please, let me present to you, Stuffers of Haggis #6 and #7, FWD.Nautilus and and some guy named Punty!

So, to the two guys I left off the list, please accept my fervent apologies. And now, the newly revised list of Scottish TF players:

• Bear[SG]
• [FLiPZ]Sick Boy
• [TF]Incubus
• Finlas[CIX]
• Ug[SH]
• Kinl -- no, wait ... Gu -- argh... OK, here it is, it's FWD.Nautilus
• some guy named Punty

So there we are, the absolutely, positively complete list of Scottish TF players. I believe this is all of them, in name or blood or mind or whatever! To my knowledge there are no other Scottish TF players. However, if you feel as if you belong on this list, please drop me an email here. Almost all the players are in or around Edinburgh, or some other city named Paisley (I assume where this is where the flowery ties of the same name are manufactured). I am not sure of much of the rest of the world, but the city of Boston, MA and surrounding cities seem to be miraculously devoid of Scottish residents. Go figure!

...Thinking up games I could beat Robin at

Well last night I had a little DM action with the famed Robin of TFS, who is supposedly a "great" deathmatcher. Well, I was bitterly disappointed. Never was there a greater disparity in the skill levels of two opponents! This guy made me laugh so hard, I was hard pressed not to just type "man this is pointless, get out of my sight you peon!" He kept doing this thing where he'd shoot a rocket at his feet and jump, and blow himself high into the air to get onto some ledge or something (pointless). He did this several times in a row, and I laughed and laughed and laughed! I didn't have the heart to tell the guy what a pathetic sight it was. Needless to say I was all over that action. At one point we were trying to change the level (neither of us on the server had rcon), and the fraglimit was 50. I had been giving him quite the mental beating so I decided to go ahead and let him kill me 50 times to let his ego heal a bit.

Needless to say it was thoroughly entertaining. I apologized afterwards for not, ah, being on his skill level (it was a bit embarassing for both of us), but next time he wants to get on a server and clash horns, I'm all for it. This is real diplomacy folks! My second contact with the Australians and already we're at war! Bring it on baybee!

I bet I could take him in Candyland.

[For a better version of the story, go here.]

I just now figured it out -- Moriarty

So THAT'S why we here at the Citadel are so confused! This was really a SPY site all along!

If you don't believe me, just check out the links section on the Newswire.

Listen, and listen well

I will not say this again. WE ARE NOT HERE TO PUT UP YOUR SPAMMING NEWS CRAP! There are other pages that are in existence solely to take your mindless news SPAM and put it up for everyone to see...but this is not one of them! Out of the 20-some-odd news pages you have to pick THIS one to tell the world that you have updated your links section!

I-DO-NOT-THINK-SO!!!!!

In order to facilitate you understanding this, we here at the Citadel have compiled a list of email links so that if you feel the need to broadcast your mole removal you can do so with the click of a button. No longer any need to browse through the news sites, painstakingly copying and pasting email addresses for your notification. Now you can send mail instantly to every newsie out there, from Keeg's to UKTF to OzTF by clicking here!

But if I get ONE MORE piece of news I will publicly ridicule you every chance I get. Insults such as "ingrown-cranium boy", "addle-pated loon", and "illiterate cream-faced fishmonger" will be used without scruple.

So, PAY ATTENTION!

If it ain't Scottish, **** it!

That one from [FLiPZ]Sick Boy. Interesting conversation over at the UK Fortress Newsdesk Message Board. Did you realize that so far only 5 Scottish TF players have been identified? Bear[SG], [FLiPZ]Sick Boy, [TF]Incubus, Finlas[CIX], and Ug[SH]. This amuses me a great deal! Next time I'm in the area I will drop by and spread some good old fashioned Midwestern death and destruction (usually reserved for taking out frustrations on cattle). Cheers to the fair folk in Scotland ("uch aye!") and be sure to send Kinlord some pointers to improve on his accent...

Which is kind of funny. I've been trying to talk Scottish to my friends, family, telephone salespersons, etc. for a while but I manage to sound something like a cross between DieHard and Mick Jagger. Maybe if I screamed real high like that AC/DC guy I could cover it up...?

But seriously, it has been a lifelong dream (at least within the last couple years) to go to the British Isles; they have always fascinated me. Their culture, their literature, and their history has inexorably drawn me inwards for a long time. What I wouldn't do to become a road scholar and study at Oxford for a few years in their graduate program. Dream come true. If that happens, Morpheus you had better be careful with your wife -- female, dedicated Quake player, and British.

Anyhoo, while I'm at it, might as well declare this the official Kinlord Abuse Site (KAS? doesn't make sense) since Matt always sneaks things in about his height on the message board, and Kinlord himself refuses to take my advice on proper ICQ etiquette! I would write up a page on it but with this whole AOL deal the possibility that ICQ's death warrant has been signed seems rather likely.

Whoops! I was just browsing the Led Zeppelin archives over at Scour.net and I came across a song called "D'yer Maker." So that's where her name comes from, eh? Very cool. I'm obviously not a huge Led Zeppelin fan, otherwise I would've known that a long time ago! More of an Aerosmith / DMB / Beethoven guy myself. (:

At least that got me to download the song.

La-hew...za-hur!

What is it about reading iD software guys' plan updates that fascinates me so much? Why does reading about Brian Hook's Viper, wine collection, or home stereo draw me to the Finger update chart day after day? What is it about John Carmack's cars? Or Levelord's Dick stories? I guess I'm just a big loser so disappointed in my own life that I have to assimilate the lives of others to make up for it. If only TFS had .plan files my life would be complete!

Incidentally I am using a different method to update lately. I just keep my HTML editor open as I sit here chatting and reading the news pages and include whatever I feel like talking about at the moment. It's a lot more spontaneous that way (good or bad, depending on how you look at it) but it also makes for longer updates, as you can see. I have been sitting here for about an hour and typed this update out in little bits and pieces. I kind of like this, it's a lot easier on me since I can let things flow instead of having to specifically think up things up in my free time and come down to the computer to type them out later. Muy bueno!

My Two Cents -- [ Mythias ]

Good morning/afternoon/evening folks! Today I'd like to talk about a few of my favorite sites around the web, sites that have given me hours of reading pleasure and have helped me expand my sense of the weerd.

None of these sites are going to be featured on C-Net or any popular magazine, they are merely my favorites and the favorites of hundreds of other weerdoes just like me. I want to share with you, my brethren, my findings and my hopes and my dreams and my underwear, in hope that you will come to understand me more, and also to give you something to do while your boss/teacher/parents aren't looking.

#1 -- ZUG

Zug is simply one of the funniest and most sadistic sites around. Remember that Olestra story I posted about a while ago? That was pure Zug genius.

The site has a simple enough look to it, no fancy graphics and no tables or frames or anything of the sort. But deeper within lies the madness. Run by evil genius John Hargrave, who works during the day for the evil tyrants Ziff-Davis, the site has been known for such pranks as the Great MacWorld Prank, and The Great Pumpkin Drop. The Pumpkin Drop is one of my favorites. John and a few of the other guys from Zug went to the roof of a 10-story building with a video camera and some pumpkins. They then proceeded to fill the pumpkins with all sorts of yummy things (extra-heavy mayonnaise, nacho cheese, pickled sausages, rice and tomatoes, and Smashing Pumpkins CDs) and then dropped them off the building! The AVIs are great, those pumpkins sound like gunshots.

My favorite section of the site is the Pranks section, where all kinds of silly things are happening. John is the master of the email prank.

I don't know why I can't leave Frito-Lay alone. I guess it's because they keep coming up with weirder and weirder shit for us to eat. For instance, their barbecue chips are now supposedly flavoured with KC Masterpiece brand barbecue sauce. But last time I checked, KC Masterpiece was a liquid and the flavouring on their chips was an alien orange powder. I understand the value of cross-promotion, but c'mon! Give us some credit! So what is the relationship? Did Frito-Lay scientists find a way to dehydrate KC Masterpiece sauce? Did they take the basic recipe and leave out the liquid ingredients? Do the two products, as I suspect, actually have nothing to do with each other? I tried to get some clarification on this issue for the consumers of America.

Click here for the full story

#2 -- The Onion

The Onion is America's Finest News Source(TM) and that is no laughing matter. These crazy guys put out this beautiful mag every single week, and its always hilarious and mind-broadening. I especially liked their article regarding the North American Soda Surplus, and how America will never run out of carbonated soft drinks. All the articles are very professionally written and sometimes its hard to separate the serious from the stupid. Hours of reading enjoyment. Here's an excerpt!

NOXIOUS MINIONS OF SATAN OFFER FREE INSTALLATION THROUGH JULY CHICAGO--In an exciting new promotion, the hideous mewling lackeys of the Dark Prince Lucifer are offering free installation of TCI cable to any household responding by July 31. "Act now and get great basic-cable channels like MTV, Nickelodeon and CNN with no installation fee," sniveled TCI customer-service representative Wyrmwort, faithful servant of the Lord Of Lies. "Plus, TCI offers you more great premium channels than ever, from HBO to Cinemax to the biggest blockbuster movies on pay-per-view." Wyrmwort then befouled his body with goat's blood and hailed The Great Deceiver. INDIA OPENS NEW MOHANDAS K. GANDHI NUCLEAR-TESTING FACILITY PORBANDAR, INDIA--Ushering in a new era of nuclear strength in the global theater, India dedicated the $1.6 billion Mohandas K. Gandhi Nuclear Testing Facility at the site of the famed Indian's birthplace Monday. "Gandhi surely would have been proud," said facility director Rajiv Pindar, setting off a ceremonial 25-megaton blast in honor of Gandhi. Visitors to the facility will be welcomed by an enormous bronze statue of Gandhi, who holds aloft an atom in one hand and a missile in the other.

My GAWD HTML is fun. :) All these nifty tables to keep the text all nice and straight. Woo hoo! But I digress.. Go to The Onion!

#3 -- RaezoR Sharp Edge

Well this isn't really one of my favorite sites, but its a good one. Its located at www.raezor.com and it has all of the important downloads (TF 2.8, QW2.2) easily accessible and has all the related articles concerning each file. A good place to check out if you're needing to upgrade your Quake files.

News? No way! -- Moriarty

Well I just got off the BH 2.8 beta server, what can I say. I am disgusted. Not with TF but with QW 2.2. Yes, he gave the 2.8 team the client before releasing it, but there are some things that are like fingernails on the blackboard to my Quake habits.

The new physics, for one. Or should I say, old physics. Kinlord tells me it takes QW to about 4 or 5 releases ago. Nothing better than reneging on progress, now, is there? Certain things will be fixed in 2.21 but until then the 2.8 coders have to deal with shoddy multiplayer. Go try playing in a game on the BH server. Try strafing along the ramps up against the wall. It's worse than Quake2. I can't operate in that environment. This will be fixed in the next version, but...I have a feeling there are still going to be issues. I just don't understand the point of doing this. Yes, it lessens the difference between netquake and QW, but how many of us play both Netquake and QW? The vast majority of players have nothing to do with netquake, but for the sake of a minority the physics are being jerked around so that the LAN party people can have their fun. I wish 2.2 was a bugfix and not an "improvement" on the previous Quakeworld. 2.8 fixes bugs, changing parts of the game where necessary. 2.2 fixes bugs and changes a lot more around than the checksumming and packet transfers. I don't like it.

I do have a few minor (VERY minor) problems with the 2.8 code but due to the large amount of dissent within the TF community over these issues, I suppose I should clam up and give the project my support until another opportunity for change comes along. I have no problem with any of the principles of the changes (e.g. I don't prefer Sinth's grenade over the present one) but there are things within those changes that I think could be improved upon -- but I have said too much already. 2.8 has my support, and petitions are being made privately...

I just can't get over how much QuakeWorld 2.2 gives me the online equivalent of a titty twister. It just HURTS to play it.

A titty twister, by the way, is when some jerk walks up to you, pinches your nipple between the second joint of the index and middle finger, and twists the hell out of it. Utter torture.

Ahh...the memories of gradeschool...everyone was so cruel to each other. That was fun. Now we have all these "manners" and "rules of etiquette"...what I wouldn't give just to walk up behind some guy I hate at work and thwack him on the side of the skull with my middle finger just because he's looking at me with an expression other than deference and admiration. Establishes my supremacy over the weak minded.

As far as the other issues with 2.2 -- e.g. allowing watervis'ed maps and pausing -- I don't think they make too much of a difference. Like I said before -- what is the point of spending money on your computer if it makes no noticeable difference? Why buy a GL card if it's not going to do much more than increase your resolution (and in my case, drop your framerate)? If you're so concerned about preventing GL players from having transparent water while the software guys have to go without it, might as well incorporate the ping-compensation code which is being put in a lot of Quake2 mods. That's a great way to attract players -- make it so the guy with the 1 grand system does just as good as the guy with the cable modem and souped up, factory built machine. I don't think that's gonna fly too well. What's the point of spending the money on the computer if it makes no difference when you play the game? It's called capitalsim, folks, and if you can't deal with it, move to Cuba. There's always going to be somebody with more toys than you. Software isn't that bad, I played on it for years. GL gives you little to no play advantages, and may even be detrimental to gameplay -- it is incapable of displaying fullbrights. You have no idea how often I have stumbled over a pile of pipebombs up to my knee in the dark and then giving the walls a nice new red paint job because I couldn't see them without the fullbright skin.

As far as being able to pause the game -- well, all I'll say about this is, if the server admin is really stupid enough to allow someone to pause the game by not disabling it, then most likely it's being run on a Mac or something along those lines and you don't want to be there anyway. (:

That's what I have to say about that. In general there is a lot of crying and complaining going on (and I'm one of them) that needs to be stopped. I guess I can give Zoid the benefit of the doubt in this situation, though it pissifies me to no end every time I think of his (and the industry in general's) disregard for the TF scene, or anything beyond his precious CTF. Bleh, there I go again, sounding like the Glimmer Man. Maybe if the guy, just once, did something nice specifically for TF...that would make me happy. Well, that's about as likely as a Bon-bon surviving an all-night rented movie session with a fat lady on a binge.

At any rate, thanks again Lint for putting me on the right path...this rant would've been a lot more abusive to Zoid if I hadn't brought it up with you first. (:

Incidentally, Mythias sends word that he's had a power hiccup and that his computer has been in for repairs due to it. He will update today, supposedly, so head back for another update this evening (I assume).

I bet he was just playin Tekken 3 and pretending to be Punch.

News? Ick -- Moriarty

OK I have a lot of little things to post.

• The Canalzone Proving Grounds is back up at 198.137.186.7 -- PostalWorker sends word that it is somewhat laggy and he is still looking for a better place for it, but it should remain here for a while
• If you'd like to vis your maps for transparent water, it can be done VERY easily here (I highly recommend this for GL players)
• [SH2]Idiot_Bringer wanted credit for translating the PhD posts...so there you go
  • He also informed me that connecting at 115.2 kbps is a software glitch, it really means 33.6 (yay)
• Deadpool2 is a lazy bum
• QW 2.21 will be coming out sometime this week, you can find the test servers at sCary's Shuga Shack

Oh my! Did I really say that? That was...NEWS! MEGA-ICK!

If any of you listen to the Daily Dementia (the link is correct this time) you'll know that TC doesn't like "pissy" people...well, I just sent him the pissiest of all emails! You should be hearing it on the air within the next few days, I'm almost sure of it. (:

Quick question -- any of you out there have Xwing vs TIE Fighter? One of my RL cronies gave me the multiplayer CD and I'm itching to try it over the net. Email me if you're interested.

Incidentally, Gudlyf has also fixed the gas grenade for TF 2.8, check that sucker out on the BH public server: 128.197.61.171 I like the new effect very much. As a whole I am very impressed with 2.8, especially the ability to allow server admins to use the old grenades and a setinfo string which execs a map-specific config and a default map config if no config for the present map is present. Very cool stuff, a great idea which was posted on the board and implemented immediately! You say they don't listen to "the people?"

Why did I bring that up again?

My brain seems empty today, I scraped the bottom of my skull with the biggest spoon I could find, but that's all I could come up with.

Weerd -- Moriarty

In Moriarty news -- finished another one of my courses. Summer is getting closer! Only two left, English and Government. Once I whip through those puppies, most likely I will end up joining a clan for the summer since I have a scheduled job and some free time. In this case, expect one particular clan (established or not yet in existence) to have an amazing record....

Just stick an "e" on the ende -- Moriarty

Well, three days since the last update. I have no recollection of May 16-17 so I can't make up anything funny to explain it. Sorry. Mythias sends word that he's been stuffed in a dumpster playing Gameboy ever since he badmouthed the Sentinel. That name change threw him off and he didn't see the Bowie knife floating in midair.

Anyway!

Luckily I waited to update regarding the QuakeWorld 2.2 release, which checked vis info. I was getting ready to thrash and debase Señor Zoid for putting together such an idiotic release, but I'm glad that this has been fixed. We can still use vis'ed maps! I think an excellent compromise has been reached as well, with the ability to disable client r_wateralpha (setting transparent water) on the server, through the console or rcon. Very excellent news for the GL users and non-GL alike.

I was driving down the highway yesterday afternoon and saw some Ford car, like a Tempo, with the "GL" next to the name. I was like, "wow, that must be a tricked out car." Then I came to my senses.

It's impossible for a Tempo to be "tricked out." Heh. The LX is better...what does that stand for, I wonder?

I've had a lot of things to update with but since it's been so long, I've forgotten most of them. My quake2fortress email seems to be down, but mail isn't coming through on the other address either so maybe it's just a slow day/weekend. There were the makings of an excellent flamewar in the Town Hall but Matt had to go and chicken out on us. Sentinel left...for the third time this week. Boggs will be making up for lost time on the Gothic Terror homepage, something I'm looking forward to. I've been doing a little work on the next installment of "The Institute." I got recognized on a public server the other day (wowsers!). My ISP gave me a new number to dial and my pings dropped over 100ms to my favorite servers. By the way, does anyone know why Windows (OSR2) reports my connection speed as 115.2 kbps with a 33.6 modem? Does that just mean that I'm connected at my modem's maximum speed? It's kind of unnerving to see "Connected @ 115200bps" pop up on my monitor.

People are translating PhD's posts into Spanish and Portuguese on the TFN Board.

What a bunch of goofballs, TF2 on Half-Life...why would TFS code for a Quake engine, one that would require little (if any) recoding? That was brought up on a message board (I think TFN) and though I am by no means knowledgable on QuakeC and whatever Quake2 is written in, it doesn't make much sense to create a sequel to a game on the same engine no matter how improved that engine may be. If that's true, then Half-Life is out.

There seems to be a big debate going on over at the TFBFP. These simpletons keep saying that TFS and Gudlyf are not "listening to the people." Sure they are. There's a difference between listening and obeying. TFS has considered every single possibility regarding the 2.8 concussion and what has been put in the beta version is what has been chosen by the creators of the mod. It is THEIR mod. It is not OURS. Whether they want to listen or not (they are) is a moot point. Right now, 2.8 is the only release which cannot be cheated against. Do you feel you would rather deal with a few conc cheaters than the new grenade? Well be warned, it's a lot more than a few. You might as well remove the binding for +gren2 in your scout / medic config because using that grenade is pointless. Why use it if you can't be sure that it's going to affect your opponent? Stupid if you ask me.

As Golliwog said, "Listen, you guys - you seem take great pleasure in writing abuse without engaging your brain first, and all it does is make you look stupid." My opinion in a nutshell. This whole ordeal over alternative grenades and such is over and done with. Sinth's grenade (and many of Gudlyf's ideas) were discarded because TFS didn't feel they fit, or were good enough to take the place of the old grenades. Personally, I like the caltrops and I like the concussion. I like 2.8. I like QW 2.21. And if I hear ONE MORE RANT saying TFS has "lost touch with the community" or "only cares about money" I will seriously do something to piss you all off. YOU'RE the one that has lost touch if you're accusing TFS of leaving us in the mud. Stupid idiots.

I have not heard from Mythias since his last update so I'm assuming I'll be on my own for a while...he's not on ICQ and it's 11 a.m. Pacific time. Gawd.

Now I can't log into Q2F to update. Buggers.

Get thee gone thou varlet -- Moriarty

I moved the May 12th update to the old news section. It now holds the record as the longest daily update, on any site, ever.

I had to close everything but my HTML editor so I could just copy the thing to the clipboard. Yikes.

No, not really. But, back to the Citadel Style...I have some things to talk about. Nothing to do with TF, thankfully! heh.

Since Mythias had to go and showcase a game, looks like I'll have to as well. Gudlyf sent me this review of Trespasser. Required reading.

I recently discovered a great gaming RA show called the Daily Dementia (which, I assure you, was around longer than another show with a similar name). The May 14th program featured a discussion of the game that has topped the charts for months now -- Deer Hunter. Apparently it's a 3D (?) game where you go and -- you guessed it -- hunt deer. That in itself is kind of funny, but the discussion really got me rolling. Hearing the host talking about what type of crowd the game was trying to attract hit my funny bone. It went sort of like this:

GUEST: We thought it would do well within certain channels because of the demographics of the people who shop at the Wal-Marts of the world and what they had an interest in doing.

HOST: Is it more popular in the Midwest?

GUEST: In general, yes, states such as Indiana, Ohio, Iowa, the Minnesota and Wisconsin area, and the southeast as well.

HOST: Has Wal-Mart gotten behind the game?

GUEST: They thought it was a neat thing for their customer base.

For some reason I just found this funny. It was pretty apparent that the host wasn't a deer hunter and found the whole thing rather distasteful, and was doing his best to keep his mouth shut. I did see this game in the stores and based on my experiences with other hunting games, I tossed it in the category with the rest of the lame-ass crap that some no-name company was churning out. I guess dad is going to get it for a present anyway...Incidentally the interview was with Paul Rinde of GT Interactive / WizardWorks.

Officer on deck! -- Moriarty

Yes, that's right, Sgt. Thundercok (what a name! right Matt?), is returning to active duty. His current project is an update to The Rock, called rock2. Stretch there, eh? Anyhow, here are the details. If you want to know what the heck he is talking about in the first paragraph, check out the last half of the rock1 page in the Engineering section.

Hello you all, [Editor's note: what is he, from the south? There's only two of us. heh heh]
Just read the engineer Rock1 info and comments at end. I am currently working on rock2 for tf1. All those requests are great but I was, and am, really maxed on ent amounts (you know of the crashes already).

I will mention additions in a minute. Bad news - To free up ent space, I am making all of a teams laser trips teleport to one cell (spawnfrag), and there will be no cell key to let them out. I have wasted too many ents on the cells, but it should be pursued in another map. The cells were really just meant to punish players crossing laser. Letting them out is neat but uses too many ents for the benefit. It really does not affect play that much.

Now, additions.

• Recessed yard walls.
• Branch sewer tunnel from mine going to the shower floor, past rocks.
• Rocks can now also be blown by HWguy every x secs by pressing dynamite plunger.
• New texs here and there.
• New fronts of forts and sniper points.
• New power room at back unused wall of yard.
• Players shoot it a bunch and it shuts down power for x seconds to all enemy detect lights.
• Also opens a backdoor from power room to gas room.
• Other little things.

Overall, I am trying to come up with fewer ents then rock1, and getting rid of most cell ents is helping.

Jim
Sgt.Thundercok

Thanks for the info, and glad to hear that you are back in the mapmaking scene. I guess I do agree with the removal of the jail cells, but I really would like to see those other ideas in there. (:

You may be wondering why I reported this -- well, 1) he took the time to send it to us personally, and 2) he addressed issues which have been hanging in the air for some months now. Since he is now putting some finishing touches on this map, and he at least CONSIDERED the ideas. So, thanks Sarge, and can't wait to see the improvements. I believe you can check out some very nice screenshots over at SailorScout's.

What hath been said... -- Moriarty

Hath been said. And I hope that it's the last of it. Nobody said we like this sort of thing -- there has defenitely been an excess of negativity lately, but it is my opinion that when things degrade to the conditions we have now, well, we need to speak out. The Citadel's opinion has been made clear, and that's the last I'll say of it, other than the fact that I was deeply offended by what Sentinel said yesterday on Brimstone. I will have nothing more to do with any of this. Any further antagonistic actions by ANYONE will be ignored. I guess I am an even bigger coward than Mythias because it has taken me way too long to object to what has been happening.

It is my opinion that most of what is going on is a publicity stunt and catering to the goals of these people is the last thing I will do if I can help it.

Let's get back to playing the blasted game. In the words of an old Yorkshire farmer, "Get w'it thou awd shittin' bovril!"

That's from James Herriot's All Creatures Great and Small. Also required reading.

Vroom Vroom! -- [ Mythias ]

Well folks, the day has finally arrived. The curtain has been lifted, and the Dual Shock Analog Pads have been dusted off. The greatest racing game of all time, and perhaps the greatest game of all time period, has been released. Gran Turismo! 187 freakin cars? My God. And 27 bonus cars? Most games don't have 27 cars in the whole game PERIOD. I know none of you prolly care about this, but I do. This game.. what is there to say about it? It is the most in-depth, realistic racing game ever devised by the human mind, and its even done for the Playstation, the greatest gaming platform of all time! I could drivel on and on about it, but I'd rather link you to a wonderful review done by a professional journalist. Click here ---> GRAN TURISMO

Putting that aside, let me talk about something else. My boss. So here he is, telling my supervisor that I'm going to get a $2.50 raise up to $10.50 an hour, and then he 'forgets' to talk to me about it for two weeks. So I never get my raise. So I never get to move to a new apartment. So I am stuck in my rat-hole until I'm too old to walk down the stairs. I email him about it today, and he comes down to my office to talk to me about it, but he gets 'sidetracked' and never actually does it. I don't know if anyone can appreciate the frustration I went through today, but I've known about this thing for 2 weeks so far and its been eating me up inside. $2.50 more an hour is alot of money, and money is a good thing, no matter what my lawyer says.

Tim-m-m ber-r-r-r-r-r-r!! -- also by [ Mythias ]

The mighty have fallen. It seems as if Sentinel has come upon some hard times in Brimstone Land. At last, he is no better than anyone else. Sure, he used to be better than us normal spooners, with all his new-fangled Real Audio hogwash and Live IRC Chats and whatnot.. but now, we all know the truth. He's just a mean little man who doesn't have any friends left because he pushes them all away with his overbearing personality and "I OWN YOUR ASS" attitude (at least that's my impression.)

Yes, he had a popular page. Yes, he was the first person to do RA. Yes, he had ugly-ass dreadlocks. So what? We should bow down to him because of it? Why not bow down to me? I have long hair too.

I've never really said anything like this about Sentinel before, because I enjoyed reading all the arrogantly stupid things on his page. Also, I'm the world's biggest coward and I didn't want to say anything until he had fallen in power, so his angry hordes of listeners wouldn't come knocking at my door carrying a burning cross. Arrogance just really bugs me. He's not any more special or important than anyone else, especially Moriarty and myself, and we are two of the most special guys around. We even get to ride the little bus to school and eat lunch in our special room with all the other special people. Boy doesn't that make us feel important.

Spooners need to stick together, such is the nature of our business. Our pages can't be travelled well without coverage from other well-known pages. NO page can become great without coverage, nobody's going to stumble onto some amazing page and spread the word. It just doesn't happen. The Sentinel didn't cooperate with this vision. He was a renegade, and that in of itself is not a bad thing. The way he did it is the bad thing. He was a jerk (actually he probably still is a jerk, but I don't know the man so I won't say anything bad about him), he tried to force us to conform to his twisted views, and he made us listen to that Gawd-awful music at the beginning of the curse-fests he liked to call the SSO. How anyone can listen to that crap is beyond me.

Day after day, week after week, we read all the same crap..

"I got the inside scoop and I'm gonna bring the TF world to its fooking KNEES you buncha freakin' mo-fo's! Ummm, oops, false alarm."

Now we've got Rain to pick up the jerk-off torch, with pro-cheating propaganda and everything. I can't wait to see what he comes up with in the weeks to come. We need something to pick up the llaamer slack from The Sentinel's mindless blathering.

We are no longer begging to be released from under the Iron Thumb of Brimstone!

Until next time, kiddies. Stay weerd!

Welcome back ye owd bugger -- Moriarty

Everyone give Mythias an old-fashioned beatdown welcome! Yeehaw. The man (?) is back and rearin' to go. Let's keep it that way.

And I ought to thrash you for mentioning the Citadel Defense Fund in public. Nowt to be done 'bout it, though.

'Course, the stables need mucking out...

A breather

I have thoroughly expunged my craving for a good argument. Now I just wait for a response. Incidentally, this editorial was typed up yesterday -- I just figured I would give everyone a chance to catch up on those rapid updates. Though I'm not ashamed of being long-winded, I think what was written was just a bit too much, and I don't want to flood everyone.

Plus, today's update is long.

I do want to make something clear, however. I am no one's hitman. I am no one's voice to the community. Though I am behind Rain's "enemies" (and always have been), don't think that what I have done was at their request. I would like to think that I have a mind of my own and can write on issues that I feel are important, and which I could contribute to the "side" I feel is correct. To date I have not mentioned anything but the issue of Rain's character, and perhaps that is a mistake. I should address the idea he proposes -- the TF Council. I have made my last mention of Rain's name on this page, and will no longer be addressing his actions specifically. Unless the inevitable happens (unless? hrm) and I'm, ah, "tarnished" and I feel I have to defend myself.

So. Regarding the TF council:

I think one premise that has been used to justify the existence of a democratic / republican Council (not political parties there, folks) is that as of now, TF is being ruled by an elite group. I disagree with that. I would ask, "Who makes up this elite ruling class?" I think the response would be those with a news page or commentary page, whether it be the TF Newswire, Keeg's, Brimstone, or that haven of evil and spiteful propaganda and misinformation, Bundy's Place. :) I cannot see any other elite group of people that would have influence over the community, save the programmers. And we can hardly tear them down from their pedastal, can we?

I'm not totally clear what this Council would convene for. To determine what is a cheat and what isn't? Don't need anyone to tell me that. And I certainly don't want cheaters getting in on the vote and taking over the majority. What would we have then?

Herein lies the problem of a democracy -- ever-present in the real life government, and grossly exaggerated by its use in an online community. Many people are not going to take a Council seriously, no matter who's on it, because they have "rights" and "freedoms" that no one can infringe on. Or so they believe. Nonetheless, nothing any official council does will change the opinions of the anarchists. If they vote, they will vote for the downfall of the community. They will want it their way, just like every one of us.

This problem is exaggerated in the online community because, well, there are more immature people around. Democracies deal with adults. Gaming councils deal with teenagers. Outrageous difference there. Can you believe that the TF community are naturally inclined toward good actions, something Thomas Jefferson believed very strongly to be true for the 18th century colonists? He believed that, if left alone, a society will tend towards the good. I will let you decide for yourself whether this statement is true or not.

Who am I to criticize Thomas Jefferson? I do not claim superiority over one of the greatest American minds. However, I will claim in an instant that the principles of democracy do not apply for a community such as ours. Therefore, I do not see it as likely that this potentially good idea would work.

Though democracy will never exist, capitalism certainly does. Just look at the web pages discussing TF topics. The ones that give the people what they want succeed; the ones that are repetitive, boring, or serve no apparent purpose (i.e. The Citadel) don't grow to be popular and thrive. Do I sound bitter? No, I don't. I'm happy with what this site has become. I'm middle class. That's where I want to be. Those elite bastards over at the Newswire life lives of luxury and renown, while I'm happy with my nice green lawn, 1.5 children, and a desk job. Know what I mean? Capitalism applies. But capitalism and democracy do not necessarily go hand in hand.

But the Newswire chaps, or ETF, or Keeg's, got to where they are for a reason. They supplied the demand. They deserve to reap their rewards. They have good market sense -- and why shouldn't they be allowed a powerful voice in the community? In a sense, they were "elected" by their constituents. It just so happens that those constituents, the voters, are also consumers. It's been lumped together in one category.

See what I'm getting at here? In a sense, this community is ruled, but ruled by something similar to what in the real world we call liberal capitalism. I quote from Dr. Ann Carroll:

In the years 1891-1931, classical economic liberalism was the dominant viewpoint in large sections of society. Employers had great personal power which they all too often abused, while labor unions had relatively little power and many workingmen genuinely suffered. Liberal capitalism held that production and trade were the highest achievements of man and that therefore a laissez faire economic system, in which there were no government restrictions on production and trade, was the only just system. Under liberal capitalism, wealth tends to be concentrated in the hands of a small class of men.

Sounds bad, doesn't it? But let's get a few differences straight.

• Web spooners do have a great deal of power. They control what is put out on the pages, and can influence more people than, say, posters on a message board. But do they abuse that power? I think not. Each major site has made it clear that they report the news, and then give their opinion on it separately. The news sites are manifold, so many different opinions are presented. Example: The Hal loves 2forts. Mythias loves canalzone. You're going to get coverage on different map classes on The TF Newswire and The Citadel.
• In a way, "production and trade" are the highest achievements of a webpage owner -- that is, traffic. They're there to make the most money (as in hits) and to fill a gap.
• As of now, this "wealth" is concentrated in the hands of a few -- but anyone can start a page, anyone can get a message out, and anyone can have themselves heard. Are the major newsies jealous of newcomers? Of course not. They're more than happy to help a new guy get started, if he has something original and interesting. Do they try to stomp out every attempt at an online "small business"? I don't think so.

So, this online community's "rulers" are journalistic economists. They control the media, and they control the "economy". ANYONE can enter this group, if they gain the support of the people. ANYONE can disagree with what is being said by another page, and give their reasons. And ANYONE can read ANY PAGE. We're not talking subscriptions. We're not talking news stands. We're talking CONTENT available free of charge, and to anyone. All that is needed to fork over is time, and some demand more than others. The Citadel vs. TF Battlegrounds, for instance.

(-:

We are in as close to a democracy as we are going to get, fellas. It is my opinion that declaring an official Council would only create dissent -- it has been said before that instead of healing the bonds between jerkoffs and sportsmen, it would create a rift between those who desired the rule of the council and those who did not. There are other ideas that would heal the jerkoff / sportsman battle. One of them is the rcon ring, spearheaded by Mithrandir. If you ask me, this is what is going to bring about serious change.

I will post more information on the rcon ring as I get it. As of now, it's the project I stand behind.

Some serious changes, and more ramblings

Maybe you noticed the upside-down emoticon above. I think that in order for us to stay weerd, we'll have to go with (: instead of :). I find the change welcome. Expect no more :) on this site.

Only the weerd.

Incidentally, ICQ is a piece of crap. WTF is the point of telling me my message can't be sent directly to the user? Why not just send it through the server automatically? Stupid buggers. I have had more problems with ICQ than I care to enumerate. I would infinitely prefer a well tested and bug-free version that I have to pay for instead of this raunchy 3-year beta-testing BS.

I just wanted to mention this, by the way -- those guys over at the TF Battlegrounds crack me up. They had linked here a long time ago, listing it as a "cool TF site". Well, we up and move to quake2fortress (when I moved to TF Domain I had to send them the change) and the link doesn't change for days...weeks...months...finally SailorScout moves and reminds them to change mine in the same email. What do they do but erase mine.

I mean, it doesn't bother me, but...in a way it does. I never took it as a personal affront, but if you're running a cut and paste news page and still don't know it then I guess I shouldn't say anything.

Or maybe I already did.

Something strange on the way to work last week -- [ Mythias ]

So there I was, driving my Mazda down Interstate 5 South, minding my own business and singing along to Pearl Jam, when something strange happened. I'm still not exactly sure what it was, but I know it was strange. Very strange.

The car in front of me, a bright-blue 1979 AMC Concord, hit a puddle very hard and started to spin around on the freshly-laid blacktop. Being the level-headed driver I am, I immediately began screaming and thrashing around, trying to swerve out of the way. Unfortunately, my little Mazda had previously been reincarnated from the left-rear fender of Christine and didn't want to give me any help. It didn't like me letting my girlfriend sit on her seats and spill cigarette butts on her floor, so I was punished severely. As I tried to turn out of my reckless slide, I slammed into the other car and crashed through my windshield. Let me tell you, it didn't feel very good.

I don't know how long I was unconscious, but when I woke up, all I could see was green. It wasn't like a green room or something like that. All I saw was green. Its hard to explain. Soft murmurs were coming from all sides of me, sounding like some sort of language, but nothing that could be produced by the human vocal cords. I was understandably freaked out. I tried to take the green off of my face, but I couldn't feel my hands. I couldn't move my hands. I couldn't even see my hands (remember the green?)

I tried screaming, but nothing would come out of my mouth. I couldn't even move my mouth, or any part of my body. Its like I had been detached from my physical self and left to float in this sea of green. It was a nice green, soft and grassy and not too bright. I could handle this for a while, better than talking to idiots on the phone all day.

So there I was, floating in my green, minding my own business and singing along to Pearl Jam, when something else strange happened.

I can suddenly see something.

It looks like some sort of laboratory, seen on a TV with really bad reception. Large glass cylinders are scattered around the room, filled with some sort of translucent green liquid. Three of them it looks like. In two of them I see some pink fleshy mass just floating there, with wires sprouting from behind it. Of course I know what's going on, seeing as how I'm writing this story. The glass cylinders are housing human brains hooked up to a mainframe computer, and I am patching through one of them and into the room's internal security system. I think I read a book about this once, by John Saul. Oh well. That would explain why I couldn't feel anything.

So, resigned to my fate as I am, I shut down my nervous system and tried to bring myself into shock and deeper into death. Living as a brain is no fun, since these people don't have an Internet connection, or even cable TV, and I can't play my Playstation without hands. I've tried playing it with my brain tentacles but they bruise easily and are long in healing. I still can't talk right after the last incident, and my left hand keeps dropping my fork when I eat. I think I might have done something wrong, but that is another story.

I guess this whole thing is more strange than interesting, but I only tell it as I saw it.

The next thing I know, I'm lying in a hospital bed. My head is wrapped in bandages and I can't feel my legs. There is a nurse in the room with me.

"Ahh, glad to see you are awake," she says. "We were worried about you, Miss Alexander."

Miss Alexander!? Who the fook is that? Last time I checked my plumbing, I was standing up.

"I don't know which loony bus you fell out of, woman, but my name is Mythias. I was driving my car and got into a horrible crash, then I woke up here." (I elected to leave out the part about the floating brains. I didn't need anymore sedatives. I was already flying pretty high.)

Just for the hell of it, I looked underneath my medical sheet. Lo and behold (of course you all knew this was coming) I had pert little breasts with little pink nipples, just enough to grab onto and hold. Insert insane screaming here.

I woke up a few hours later and commenced screaming.

Suffice it to say, I was in the hospital so long recovering from my psychological damage that my copy of HotMetal Pro 4.0 Evaluation Version went kaput. Luckily, part of our Citadel Secret Defense Fund came through with a new copy and I'm up and running again. I'll change my picture on the about page to reflect my new sexual status in the near future.

Ok, now that I'm back, I've got something to say.

Everyone needs to go check out the new improvements to the TF 2.8 code over at the Braveheart Public Server. The scout's flash grenade replacement is particularly interesting. Caltrops. Drop them on the ground and the unsuspecting hordes will run over them and stub their toes. Especially useful for running in the spiral with the flag and dropping caltrops behind you to slow down the pursuit. I haven't experimented with them a WHOLE lot since I'm not much of a scout, but they definately have promise. Keep up the good work, Gudlyf! It is appreciated.

What Robin had to say -- Moriarty

Three updates in one day?!?! Blimey. 'Course, one was at 12:30 a.m. so I guess only two of these count as "one day."

After trying to figger out what exactly went on between Robin and Rain (Fistagon) a while back, this quote magically appeared in my HTML editor. This is what Robin originally told Rain:

"If you've got your own findings and data, I'd appreciate it if you also sent it to them... maybe if enough people complain, they'll get off their butts and actually do something."

Of course, this is a family webpage, so the racial slurs and violent gangsta-slang are all edited out. Plus, did you know Robin even WRITES with an Australian accent? Took me fifteen minutes to decode the above message. It was about six times longer than what you see, as it had a lot of "baaah"-ing in the background. What really got me was the use of "give 'em mallenders and sallenders" for "complain." Go figure.

OK, I'm really setting myself up to get slammed here REAL quick. Sorry, guy. But I just couldn't resist. Not nearly enough Aussie bashing on this site. I think I reached my quota for the year, though.

SO. That was EXACTLY what Robin wrote to Rain regarding the server crash bug that was discovered. Robin goes on to say,

"The quote he has used is actually me asking him to mail the QW maintainers in an effort to get them to fix a server crashing bug... whereas he seems to be trying to say I'm asking him to crash lots of servers to achieve the same purpose.

Straight from the horse's mouth (that's a figure of speech, not a jibe). What do you say we add a #5 to the Rain-blunder list?

*Moriarty hitches up his coveralls, scratches his be-hind, and gets Clarabel the mule to move over a bit more so he can use his left arm to type.*

Much better.

5. Rain detached his brain stem before making last night's show. Don't know much else to say about it.

As for Mr. Pertater Head, well, conflict makes the world go 'round. Where would we be today without World Wars I and II? Think about it.

You know, bashing where people live is fun. I enjoy it a great deal. However, I DO feel kind of guilty doing it. So, to relieve my guilt, please post some American/farmer jokes on the Town Hall to degrade my homeland. It would make me feel much better.

Parting shot:

Q. What do you call an Australian with fifty girlfriends?
A. A shepherd.

Until next time.

A response to the editorial below, posted by Greymon -- Moriarty

Moriarty,
You have very obviously missed the point of what Rain attempted to do with the cheating issue.

I most certainly have not. I understand the argument you are using, and I do not see it as a satisfactory justification of what has been done.

He has used a strategy that was used over far more serious matters in the past. Nuclear weapons, for example. TIME Magazine once posted (I forget when) an article quite specifically explaining how to make a nuclear bomb. This is a true story, you can verify it if you want. Of course, the government had fits about it, but, this action was very legal, and IS protected by free speech.

We're talking about two very different issues here. On the one hand, we have a grievous problem in that the availability of nuclear material is widespread. So Time publishes how to make a bomb in their magazine in order to scare the government into fixing the problem. A worthy strategy, because a) If you have access to nuclear material, or desire to make such a bomb (e.g. terrorists, Hussein), then most likely you know how to make a nuke anyway; therefore releasing info to the public isn't really going to make much of a difference... b) it's the only thing that will get the federal bureaucracy off its backside and actually get something done. In our situation, we have a rather serious problem regarding cheaters in the game. Rain takes it upon himself to "scare" TFS into fixing the problems, because it's very obvious (to him) that they aren't trying to do a thing. Two problems with this. a) By giving cheat info, you immediately enable anyone to cheat because they already have the materials there. To use your Time example, this author would have to release all the nuclear material necessary for the construction of a nuclear bomb to each reader and then tell them how to use it. I don't think anyone would've been happy with those prospects. b) TFS is no bureaucracy, and they were certainly doing their best to get the problems fixed. Do you delude yourself into thinking that Rain caused the 2.8 project to come to pass (and then do everything under the sun to bring it down)? It's possible, but more than likely it had been planned for some time because TFS realized they did not have the time to do it themselves, and simply needed to find a suitable person to take charge of the project.

Why did TIME do this? Because they were trying to let the goverment know that change was needed. The author used his article to express concern over how loosely guarded US nuclear materials were. So, in order to make the US take charge of these materials and be more responsible to the people they placed in jeopardy by their incompetent acts, he gave them an ultimatum. Fear, Moriarty. Thats the weapon he used to cause a well-needed change. He very clearly made people see what needed to be done. The government became very frightened of the thought of public knowledge of nuclear weapons. So, what did they do? They started tighter security and better management of nuclear materials. The magazine's tactic obviously worked, I havent heard of too many nuclear bombings in the US. TIME Magazine 1, Government 0.

Well, have you EVER heard of a nuclear bombing in the US before this article was published? Aside from that Tom Clancy novel where they nuke the Super Bowl? I don't recall the government recruiting a special police force, adding another agency or three to the executive branch, or declaring marshall law in order to prevent the US from being destroyed by the many nukes being set off each day. According to you, it seemed we had quite a problem on our hands for a while there! [I guess we know where most of them went off, don't we? NEW JOISEY!]

Again, there's a huge difference between your example and what Rain actually did.

Now, if you havent figured out the relation to Rain yet, let me explain... Rain used this same tactic with cheating. He made it public knowledge so that people would have to deal with it. People would have to demand change. It sounds to me like he's a good TF statesman. No one doubts the integrity of the TIME author, so how the hell can you attack Rain's? Now, if this can be done with a REAL life matter of very serious consequences, why cant it be done with a game? Think about it Moriarty.

I have thought about it a great deal, and your post does not change my thoughts on the matter. And I dispute the statement that change would not have occurred if it weren't for the release of cheats. For those that genuinely care about the game, petitioning TFS to get the things fixed is the only real way to get things changed. Releasing cheat info is below the belt, and you know it. PERIOD.

You ask how I can attack Rain's integrity? Again, in your example, I wonder how respected that Time author would be if he got his editor to include a little ball of palladium or a coupon for a free gallon of tritium [redeemable at your local Hy-Vee] in each magazine sold on the newsstand.

Now, what was that comment about researching before going to press?

Should I even reply to this?

"Please, beat me over the head!" -- Moriarty

When outrageous and idiotic accusations go to forty dollars a barrel, I claim the drilling rights to Rain's head.

If you haven't already, please go listen to Rain's show over at his site. That might not be necessary, as I'm going to go through and cut out the endless minutes of mumbling and "BOOya" to give you the meat of what has been said. Plus I don't think I want to give him added traffic anyway. Forty minutes of torture for me, all for the sake of my readers. That's dedication.

Rain has not merely crossed the line. Rain has taken ten steps back, got up to full speed, and done a seven foot running long jump over the line. It is my opinion that this chump is doing his best to create strife and discord in this community, quite contrary to what he claims to be doing with his TF Council. To date, the majority of Rain's public actions have been detrimental to his self-proclaimed integrity (see below) and to the stability of the community. I do not claim to be unbiased in this matter, because unfounded personal attacks have been made by Rain, attacks which I found to be exactly what I described above -- merely means to stir up trouble. However, I have followed this matter for several days now (it erupted quickly and violently) and refrained from comment, but I'm afraid now is the time to let slip the dogs of war. Let's get down to details, shall we?

[Note: these are not exact quotes. I am merely condensing what has been said because I can't type verbatim from speech. I have not misrepresented Rain to my knowledge. If you believe so, please use the email link on the side and I will fix it. Additionally, whatever I have to say does not reflect any attack on Ambush, M.D. Methinks he was dragged into this against his better judgment.]

"I'm pissed [Gudlyf] fed us this line of bullshit."

This was said in response to the concussion fix, which apparently Ambush, M.D. has come up with using merely three lines of code. Well, let's get this straight once and for all -- no one has been misinformed. I don't know the credibility of Ambush, M.D. but I believe he is in error. After asking Gudlyf about the Daily Dose and the new accusations of incompetency and willful ignorance, he responded:

"Three lines of code? Well, if he means just stuffcmd'ing the conc gren effects more frequently, that will not fix the fact that people have hacked QWCL.exe files that will still remove the effects. Pointless."

[And, by the way, it's Good-Life. I used to think it was Good-leaf, maybe some obscure drug reference. But then again, he's Scottish...impossible.]

I'm not totally sure what that meant there, but Gudlyf made it clear that such a fix would not eliminate the cheat. After harping on this cheat for several minutes, Rain went on to demand that Gudlyf and all those remotely associated with the TF 2.8 project get down on their knees and beg for Ambush to join the team and give them the code.

"Why didn't you ask Ambush on to the 2.8 team, he's someone that knows the code in-depth."

For one, Gudlyf has already been contracted by TFS and has contacts with them. He already has an in-depth knowledge of the code, and was able to get to work on the new version right away. He was chosen for his dedication to preserving TF as it was, not because he created a modified version of it. He was specifically chosen to be the only one on the project. By TFS. Period. What reason is there to bring someone else on?

Especially someone else who is coming up with a conc fix that was discarded by the 2.8 team quite a while ago (and TFS before that)?

He then brings up another attack on Gudlyf (one which was backed by the Sentinel a while back) regarding changes to the game.

Gudlyf was instructed not to make changes to the gameplay, but he has done so considerably against the wishes of TFS...maybe Gudlyf didn't know this was against his instructions? They should've asked Ambush!

It seems to me that a new version of TF would not be released without TFS' full approval. In fact, this was stipulated from the very beginning -- any and all changes would be examined by TFS and would not be released until approved. What more is there to say? Gudlyf would not have done anything without the approval of TFS. We're not talking two separate entities here. Gudlyf is, in effect, employed by TFS, and it's not a problem to "fire" him and put someone else on the job to get things done. I don't see this happening. What I DO see is Rain challenging the well-established integrity of the 2.8 team with little or no verified information. A good journalist always checks his sources before going to press. Rain has not done so, and his neck is sticking out a little to far for his own good. Spreading libel such as that is against the law, and most definitely not protected speech (see Bundy's first update). For a guy so stuck on claiming First Amendment rights, you'd think he'd study them a bit more. Whatever motives he may have, whether they be unintentionally misguided or outright malicious, they're incorrect and disruptive. Take a look at what he said next.

"Robin told me, 'Maybe if enough people complain, and get off their butts and do something, things will change.' ....Remember when I was telling everyone to cheat, and you said it was wrong, Robin told me to do that sort of thing a long time ago!"

In effect, he's justifying his publication of the cheats by twisting Robin's words. Do you really think that the creator of the game would encourage cheating in any way, shape, or form? Hopefully you have more brains than Rain. Rain (formerly Fistagon) reported a server crash cheat he discovered, and passed it on to Robin. He told Rain to send emails to Zoid regarding the server cheat, encouraging him to press for changes -- and Rain turns it into an advertisement for cheating. This guy should be a Communist -- he's darn good at twisting peoples' words into something totally different.

And I do know that Robin is mighty miffed after hearing that Rain claimed he was encouraged to cheat by TFS.

"If I condoned cheating, I would give out this cheat right now, it's so easy. See, I DO have integrity!"

An old friend of mine used to say, "You are what you are in the dark." When the spotlight's on, and you're on stage in front of thousands, you're putting on an act. You're presenting yourself in the best way possible. You're putting your best foot forward. Everyone thinks you're the greatest! But then the show's over, and you walk back to the dressing room. You snap at the attendants and shove the lowly stagehands out of the way. What, someone brought you Maxwell House instead of Folger's? THAT'S IT, YOU INCOMPETENT BASTARD! YOU'RE FIRED! And none of those people in the audience really knows what you're like.

But does putting on a good show for everyone give you integrity?

It's real easy to do the right thing when everyone's watching. They all give you a pat on the back, and you can tell they respect you. It's when you're not on stage, and no one's watching, that really counts. I think everyone sees through the weak claim to integrity, Rain. Don't try and give yourself the "poor maligned soul with a good heart but no one to defend him" image. You have made your intentions clear time and time again, and trying to cover up with a few token gestures doesn't really give you any credibility.

Let me count how often he has made himself into the village idiot:

1. Accusing Gudlyf of implementing features in the TF 2.8 code that would specifically aid Clan Braveheart. This was not based on ANY evidence, and even if it was true, then TFS would certainly have caught it in examination of the code before release.
2. Also accused Gudlyf of having a conflict of interest with his work on Battle of the Sexes -- either giving ideas to the BotS creator or undermining the popularity of TF in order to give BotS a boost. It's obvious that all accusations made by Rain were wildly conjectured and had little or no proof. He's trying to get people mad for no good reason.
3. Release of the address of DarthVada's Cheat Page on the RA show. No matter how you justify it, it was wrong. Plus, he's stated he's not even sorry for it.
4. Tonight's broadcast.

Looks like we have enough for a lynching, if you ask me. What do you say we give him a swift kick in the ass, sending this jughead down HARD? Personally, I'm tired of dealing with people like this. To tell you the truth, I don't know what's doing more to break down the community -- the trash on the public servers, or the quiet, effeminate pitter-patter of Rain on the window.

Yo-yo man -- Moriarty

Happy Smothers Day everyone! It's time for you to go out to your local video store and rent all the Smothers Brothers' tapes available, and spend it in a blissful and entertaining barrel of hilarity and miming. And of course, you can't forget the Yo-yo man. Pick yerself up a Duncan yo-yo and shoot the moon, rock the baby, walk the dog, and build the Eiffel Tower. Yeah, baby, yeah! Go Tommy!

Why I wasn't at the Newsie Scrim last night

I don't want to talk about it. Was it my fault? I suppose you could say that. Could I have prevented it? Maybe. Have I buried the bodies of my tratorious family members where no one will ever find them? Definitely.

Time for a "I-have-nothing-to-talk-about-so-I'll- tell-you-what's-going-on-in-my-life" session

Cousin comes to live in city. Cousin gets job. Cousin borrows lady-friend's car. Cousin gets rear-ended by truck with snowplow on front. Cousin's lady-friend's very mad. Cousin's lady-friend takes car back and slugs Cousin in the gut. Cousin needs car. Mom feel sorry for Cousin. Mom angry with Me. Mom give Me's car to Cousin because Cousin needs a car to get to work. Cousin drives car for a while with no problems. Cousin comes to dinner this afternoon with two new tires (no whitewalls), hubcaps in the back, and a broken trunk lift. Cousin was following too close and hit a broken 3" pipe in road, which blew out the tires on the right side of Me's car. Blown tires cause right front tire to buckle underneath, collapsing the front end to collapse and bending the "cradle." Cousin shells out $800 for the repairs (not including blackwall tires) and brings car back.

Me mad.

You got it...editorial time

I was browsing the TF sites today and I came across --

Actually, forget it. I don't feel like typing an update. Mythias should be updating tomorrow, here's hoping. I will have an editorial up next update, regarding this TF Council / Rcon ring ruckus. See you then.

Jeopardy? I think not -- Moriarty

I caught from Blue's that last night Quake was one of the "questions" on Jeopardy. Now, it's always fun to see that Quake has wriggled its way out of the secluded compuer world and trickled into the mainstream (hearing that Robing Williams enjoyed Quake made my day). It gives us addicts a normalizing feeling, that maybe we're not such freaks that those close to us make us out to be. But to be featured on Jeopardy? It brings up a topic which has gotten on my nerves quite a bit lately.

I have enjoyed Jeopardy for some time now, because it helped keep my mind active after a long day of 5-fps fragging or typing mindless updates such as this one. Having to slash my way through the massive cobwebs which obscured clear thought (and tasted a lot like cotton candy) was rewarding, and often prompted me to expose my withering flesh to the Yellow Face, only known to the Eloi, or "overworlders." However, this source of intellectual stimulation has been slowly and surely repressed to a status little higher than the goofy kiddy gameshows that overrun channels like Nickelodeon. Categories such as "Channel surfing" and "20th Century Classical Music" (which included John Williams' Star Wars, among others) are taking over. No more "Ancient Generals" or "Physics Phun." I could get similar content watching Saturday morning cartoons. Granted, there are still some intelligent questions and categories, but it's all too obvious that the show is trying to target a different audience and thus get ratings, ratings, ratings. Hrm, how about preserving the integrity of the show? Oh, forgot, Alex needs three more Armani suits for the charity ball next week. Let's do some easy questions to make the village idiot feel like he could really win something on the show!

So, I still watch (even though I usually remember it's on just as it's ending, and catch the wagers on Final Jeopardy), but it's getting pointless. It's degrading to obvious trivia with some obscure quotes and personalities tossed in just to preserve the image of some thoughtful questions. Stupid writers, I hate 'em.

I keep forgetting to mention this, but if you'd like to read the old news, it's all been lumped together on one page, accesible at the bottom of this one. However, only the archives for April has been preserved. Unfortunately, the rest of my literary gems have been cast into the depths of the Recycle Bin, never to return.

Eversmear

For those of you who send me news to be posted -- I appreciate your thoughts, but that's not what the Citadel is here for. Please, spare us the email regarding your new tournament or page. However interesting your news may be, it's not to be posted here because it will be posted on any (most likely all) of several other TF pages out there, specifically oriented to TF News. So, if you have news, don't send it here. If you have a wild, wacky, fwap-happy thingamajigger to send in, please do so.

Mythias should be updating soon, so I'll keep this short. Ciao.

Now you've got me mad -- Moriarty

A luminescent Jerseyite took me seriously when I went making fun of his home, and called me, of all people, a hick. Well, I thought it was clear I was merely poking fun, but oh well. Most things on this page seem pretty obviously absurd to me, but I guess things aren't as clear cut as they seem. Have it your way! This should be fun. Remember, the message board is there for a reason! Sock it to me!

I think it should be against the law to put any sort of car-related noise on a music CD. Car horns, sirens, screeching tires, you know the bit -- I have nearly had a heart attack twice this week! To a person less skilled and experienced in handling a vehicle, there might have been a serious accident. Luckily my go-kart training from about six years of age helped me out considerably. Listening to the Quake II music in the car, as well as the Dave Matthews CD a while back, I got blaring police sirens right in my ears. That is definitely BAD! BAD, BAD! Artists should sell "vehicle-safe" albums alongside their others. Make some extra profits off the yuppies, right?

Q. Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste, and California get all the lawyers?
A. New Jersey got to pick first.

News site scrimmage is up and running! All right baby. The teams are looking good, and I'm working up some new shotgun loads for the SKB. :) Should be DEVASTATING. mwahha! Nickel plated 3" magnums is all I'll say. The Citadel has been united with the TF Newswire gang as well as SailorScout, Coolguy, Fly, and KingNothing (he's in >V<, right?) of the 37th Abberated Team Fortress Marine Expeditionary Unit. I love that name! Looking forward to slaughtering the lambs with you boys. I've got your backs -- Brimstone is on the prowl, and I've got a score to settle.

Mythias seems obsessed with something called Tekken 3. I think his HTML editor never expired, but he just says it has just so he can jerk around on some game. Judy spiked the Punch, and now the drunken maniacs are even more drunken and even more maniacal!

And as far as what Señor Sentinel said on BK, well, I wasn't trying to evangelize anyone. There was some pretty nasty Christian-bashing going on, and I went in to help on our defense; yes, it progressed into something more in-depth, but I certainly wasn't out to force anything on anyone, or even to change anyone's mind. Like I said there were many untrue things being said (one of which was the Church's stand on evolution) that I felt the need to correct. We have taken the discussion elsewhere, so you don't have to worry about anyone becoming devoutly Christian after visiting Brimstone Keep.

Go read Bundy's last post at the Town Hall. That's even funnier than Phat Dragon.

Incidentally, the CZ entity update has now been released. Please check out the readme here for a full list of changes. It should be running on all CZ servers very soon, but if you're itching to play it, it is for sure running at the CZ Proving Grounds (IP at the top left of the page).

Catch you fools later. I have to go learn 4f5havoc. :)

No wonder eggplant is so nasty -- Moriarty

I mean, gimme a break! New Jersey? I'm surprised that they all don't glow in the dark!

Here I am making fun of someone else's home when I get so mad when people accuse me of living on a farm. Learn from your lessons, boy!

As far as what I posted yesterday, I've cooled down a bit. I think I could've said things in a different way, or maybe waited until I wasn't so enraged, but I stand by what I say and don't retract a word of it. If I had waited to settle down, most likely I would've forgotten about it, and let it slide. Granted, I said some things that were a little un-Christian, especially ironic while I'm in the middle of this debate, but good grief I have to blow of some steam once in a while, and it's been longer than I can remember since the last time. At the risk of sounding repetitive (what do I mean, "risk?" I always sound repetitive), I honestly cannot wait until school is over. I am bound and determined to keep this black cloud that's hanging over me from dragging me down through the whole summer. I'm whisking through my courses like an arrow through the grass. I will be free this summer, whether it kills me in the process or not. Last year I had a 2 week summer before having to start again. That's not going to happen.

After some discussion, I think we'll be releasing some parts of the Canalzone Project sometime this weekend. Nothing major, but since the .ent update has already been sent out and published, it would be wise to release something to get you all interested in the map. I think renewing and creating interest in Canalzone will really bring new life into the game, for me anyway. I'm thinking that the map is complicated enough to attract only those who are genuinely interested in learning an incredibly original and fun map. Here's hoping.

Just call me "Moriarty the Manic-Depressive."

Before I forget, I'd like to say thanks to all those who took the time to scribble me a quick note of support or news. No matter how small or how quick, you all have no idea how much an occasional note or two helps a guy keep his thoughts out of the doldrums. I am sincerely thankful.

Bundy also wrote me regarding the message board (it had been such a long time I thought the old fart was finally pushing up daisies). The CRS was really working its magic, because he seemed to think that the Town Hall was strictly for CZ-oriented messages! Pshaw! I gave him a friendly punch on the shoulder, polished his merry pate, put a little grease on the wheelchair axle, and sent him off with happy tidings for those at the Hall. So, don't think that the board is for the CZ stuff! We have a separate (and private) board for that. Doesn't it make you feel jealous? TWO message boards! Hah, hah! Like I said, Mythias is a MB Maniac. (Not to be confused with a MB Manic-Depressive.)

Incidentally, der Bündermeister also has Bundy's Place back up and running at the TF Newswire. Typical, just after I deleted the old link off the Gatehouse! I won't add it for a while, just to make sure he's sticking around. (He is.)

I don't know what the deal is, but lately I haven't been playing much TF since my pings on the good servers have deteriorated. In order to find some equivalent entertainment, I have actually CHANGED MASTERS!! I know, it's still not hitting home with me either. I tried a little CTF, but was painfully reminded how much I hated that game. What is it that sucks so royally about CTF? Bleh, I can't take it. Deathmatch satisfied my desires surprisingly well -- after dedicating myself to the team all the time, I thought it was appropriate to go and release my craving for the top score. I check the low-ping servers, and search for players that have been connected for 15 minutes but have only a few frags, and hop on. Slaughtering deathmatch newbies is fun, and rewarding; plus you don't have to feel guilty about being a jerk, because it's not your mod! They're just worthless names, gib away with no holds barred! I love smearing campers under my heel, spitting on their crispy carcasses and sending a rocket up their tailpipe as they meander helplessly throughout the level carrying only a shotgun. What a release. Then an LPB shows, and ruins all my fun. (Remember to watch the speed limit!)

Luckily there are a lot of servers out there that harbor the stupid folk. If not, I'd go crazy soon.

Erm, WTF? I'm spell checking this update and "fart" isn't in the dictionary. What kind of worthless spell checker IS this?

What was I thinking? -- Moriarty

Well after trying to get a semi-serious debate going on Brimstone (mistake number one) for over a week now, the idea has reluctantly left my head. I've formed several conclusions based upon this.

• The majority of people here in TF land will take every chance to level some really characteristic insults at Christianity, the pope, God, and spirituality in general. "God sucks! Let's go suck on some weed and **** our women! ****-off you Bible thumper! Leave me and my beer alone!" But when you actually take them to task on it, they mysteriously disappear.
• Therefore, they're either a bunch of very young children who think they know what's going on, do their little God-hating thing, and when they get bored, go back to playing with that shiny mobil above their bed; or the type of person that doesn't much want to argue and prefer to play TF (which I guess is understandable).
• Among the people who did respond, TWO of them actually gave it serious thought. The rest made light of it, tried changing the topic, or gave some of the most idiotic answers I have ever had the misfortune of reading. ("There are only two perfect people -- Mother Theresa and Ned Flanders.") Shut your face, you idiot.
• Some gave excuses as to why they didn't reply, but then continue spouting off about how much they hate one part or the other of Christians/Catholics -- they have a political agenda, they want to control me, etc. etc. etc. Thanks for showing me what you're all about, I'll be sure to stay clear from now on.

So, I realized what a big joke most of these people are. Yeah you're here to play a game, but if you haven't realized yet that belonging to the TF community goes far beyond the game, then there's not much for me to say. If you can't sit down and talk seriously for a few moments, I don't really want to have much to do with you. The patrons of Brimstone, anyway, have shown themselves to be as mindless and unthinking a lot as they all accuse people like me to be. Do I care? Not especially. I have never desired their good opinion, and if it has been bestowed upon me, I assure you that it was unwillingly received.

I'll say this right now -- Sentinel, Endeavour is doomed to fail. Nobody wants to do anything. Face it, the average TF player is a glued-to-the-computer pr0n addict with you-know-what on his hands and a nastly little dark side. I'm sick of the fools. I'm sick of all of this crap. I'm sick of dealing with willful idiots and juvenile "rebels." I'm sick of having to translate abbreviations, 20-line sentences, and suggestions to "take it easy." I have to search far and wide to find a decent person any more (and I'm not talking religion here). The majority of them are on my ICQ list (and to qualify my statements once more, I'm not saying that if you're not on my list you're unworthy or some other insult). I could deal with it once. Not any more. Their forces are too strong and their numbers too concentrated. It's infecting this entire game. It's to the point where it's getting me down in everyday life, and that's taking it too far. No matter what happens, it will always continue, and nothing I say or do is really going to make much of a difference. That's frustrating -- frustration that I don't need. I'm tired of defending myself from all sides. I used to find kicking assholes off servers rewarding. Now more file in to take their place. Didn't last too long, did I? And why the hell am I still doing it?

In short, if you were posting on that message board, and didn't take the time to put down even one line, or did put down many lines but were joking or insulting, well, you have me angry. For some reason I find you just as irritating as the outright shitheads, if not more. Things have gone to pot (and I'm not talking about the game here) and they show no sign of rehabilitating. This isn't an ego trip. I was personally offended, but there's a bigger issue here that is overshadowing everything else. You know what? I spent a lot of time this weekend typing up one big reply to everything people wrote on that message board. Consulting RL friends, reading up in textbooks, and so forth. But I'm not going to post it, because no one cares. I'm doing this for fun, and to defend my dignity, but the argument isn't that important to any more than a couple other people...and even then I feel like I'm dragging them into it. What I say there is not going to make a difference. I'm pissed off royally, and I really don't have any way to make up for it (i.e. to piss THEM off). Therefore I'm not going to try.

If you're afraid this is a threat that I'm quitting the page, don't be. That's not going to happen anytime soon. But be aware that when I do leave, it's going to be a welcome change for me. No regrets.

Right now, I really do feel like I "haet you all." Fuckers.

something funny -- Moriaryt

nothin interesting but i thought i'd pass this on...i get a lot of this bs in the mail but this one is the sickest i've gotten in a long time. enjoy

Fire Authorities in California found a corpse in a burnt out section of forest whilst assessing the damage done by a forest fire. The deceased male was dressed in a full wetsuit, complete with a dive tank, flippers and face mask. A post-mortem examination revealed that the person died not from burns but from massive internal injuries. Dental records provided a positive identification.

Investigators then set about determining how a fully clad diver ended up in the middle of a forest fire. It was revealed that, on the day of the fire, the person went for a diving trip off the coast--some 20 MILES away from the forest. The fire fighters, seeking to control the fire as quickly as possible, called in a fleet of helicopters with very large buckets. The buckets were dropped into the ocean for rapid filling, then flown to the forest fire and emptied.

You guessed it!!! One minute our diver was making like Flipper in the Pacific, the next he was doing a breaststroke in a fire bucket 300m in the air. Apparently, he extinguished exactly 1.78m (5'10") of the fire.

i just thought of something else.......deadpool these are your brothers

Some Canucks were out ice fishing on some Canuck lake, and pretty soon they get one too many in 'em. Naturally lazy, they think "hey let's find an easier way to dig a hole," so the guy who works with the construction company grabs some dynamite from his brand new truck, lights it up and chucks it out twenty yards so it'll make 'em a nice clean hole right? sorry. The guy's black lab runs out and fetches the dynamite, and brings it back. Of course these guys are scared out of their mind, what do they do but pull their pistols out and shoot the dog.

Dog is wounded. he's like "what the HELL are you doing, i'm doing what you trained me to do" so he goes off to cry, nearest shelter -- the guy's truck while still carrying the lit dynamite. Dog lays down, dog's head goes boom, brand spankin new truck goes boom, ice goes crack, truck goes "sink" and guy goes

well i won't go that far, but let's just say the doghouse wasn't unoccupied

and we are playin tf with these people!?!??! dear lord in heaven what are we thiniking i wouldn't TALK to one of these folks if i would help it

control these crazy farts...esp the relativists like Opiate

lock that bastard up!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Don't tease me, it hurts -- Morte

I was having some fun over on one or the other all-CZ servers, when this really callous person by the name of Rudeboy was making fun of me (me, can you believe it? The insolence of the lower classes these days...I smell an uprising). You see, in my message binds, I have this really WACKY message that indicates to my teammates that I comprehend what they are telling me, either using their message binds or by typing them in manually in order to ask for help or indicate their intent. So, in order to express my understanding, I bind a key to

Copy that

Now, apparently this Rudeboy finds that message entertaining, in addition to other message binds, such as

Roger, I'm on it

10-4, big boy

I got Smokey on my tail

Bandit at twelve o'clock low

Your 100,000 mile tune-up is now overdue

Well, as I noted above, this little Napoleon starts picking on me for my team messages. Enraged at the insupportable conduct of this urchin, I was left speechless. Soon half my team was enganged in deriding me, with a chorus of "copy that, big daddy" and "Roger, engaging, over." It was infuriating. Pretty soon, they even started including the radio noises, like "FFFSSSHHHHHHHHHH*pop* YEAH I NEED SOME BACKUP AT CP SIX, overFFSSSSSHHHHHH," sometimes just filling the screen with simulated static, like "CCCHCHHCHHHHSHHSHSEHHSEHHHHHHHHHHHHHH *crack* TSSTHSHHHTHSHTHTHTSHHHSH."

Therefore, I have decided to revise my message binds...

USING THE EXCLUSIVE VOICE-TO-TEXT CONVERSIONS!!!! (patent pending)

Sampling the work in progress:

• <unintelligible screaming> WE'RE BEING BURNED AL -- ssshshshshshshshhshsh
• HHHCKCKHKCHCHKKHHKCKHRed five! Red five! pull up!
• <static> BOOM BOOM gimme some backup at CP6 you ugly bastards!!!

This is just a sampling of the incredibly dramatic and awe-inspiring voice-to-text messages that are included in the new revision. I'm sure you'll all want to download the new copy as soon as possible so I'm dropping everything and working on these 24/7 until they're done. And all this free of charge!

I hear Wedding bells -- Morte

C O N G R A T U L A T I O N S !!!!!!

GrudgE[QD] of clan Quad Damage has tied the knot down in New Orleans! Wuwoo! It seems several of his pals from the clan were even able to make it to the wedding, you can check out the pics here. (How's it goin' Drex!?!?) That's just really neat to see a clan come together for an event like that. GrudgE (Gregory Murray) married Dorothy LaBruyere on April 17th then went scuba diving in Cancun/Cozumel for a week. Man does that sound like fun...went scuba diving in the Keys a while back. I thanked God many times for the loose swimsuit on m'lady. (tee-hee!) Add to that the water pressure, and....whoa. Weightlessness underwater is good.

So anyway, congratulations my friend, and many wishes for a happy marriage. Keep up the fraggin, QD!

In other news...kind of a neat religious debate over at the Brimstone Rant Board. If you can put up with the possibility of arguing with some misinformed 15 year olds for a chance at a real debate (heh, ripped that straight off --rOt--), please join us. (Guess which side I'm on...and don't base it on the swimsuit thing. Nobles are allowed that sort of thing.)

It seems with the departure of Betastorm due to her father's death, the newsie scrim has been canceled. I think it's appropriate to do so, just to show that we really see thereare more important things than Quake...

I will surely cover this whole issue with the MP cheats, but not now. I'm not feeling up to doing it any justice. Please check back in the next day or so if you're interested in my opinion on it and the reponses that have been made. Take your naps beforehand so you can stay awake through the whole thing.

I did say that I would harp on this canalzone thing until I see the proving grounds full of players more often. It isn't happening, so here I go...

I've been on the CZ servers a lot lately, and noticed a couple things about the quality of player. Rarely, if ever, do I find an outright lamer on a canalzone server. Usually the most annoying thing is guys fragging away with no attention paid to team scoring (sometimes teams go entire games without scoring one point). In general, though, canalzone servers attract a higher caliber player, with more willingness to work as a team. In my experiences, they are also more tolerant of newbies -- they are willing to show you around or give you a quick tutorial. I know of two regular clans ([Judas?] and Kamikaze, if they're a clan) and several regular clanless players on there that always hop on when there's a good game going.

The moral? Canalzone players are better than 2forts players. They're better than YOU, too. Even if you play canalzone.

btw i haet you all

(You HAVE to check out the PhD's latest post on the TF Newswire Message Board. It is gut-wrenchingly funny. This time he gets his head stuck in the space between the refrigerator and the wall...just think of the possibilities.)

In memoriam
Tom Kaszar (1945-1998)
Al Mennemeier (1943-1998)