[Editor's note: I posted a picture a long time ago, and the way the scan turned out, the skin around my eyes blended with the rest of the face making me look like I had very small eyes. To this day, I still get called "piglet" or "pig-eyes"...that is the reference to "eyes" in the story. :) ]
Pre-mission checklist. Ok, lets see... Body armor - check. Assault vest - check. Rapelling harness - check. Line - check. Grease paint - check. Flares - check. Betsy - check. Map - check. TacCom - check. Grenades - check. Ammo - check. Peanut butter sandos - check. Milk - MILK! NO MILK! I can see right now it is going to be one of those nights...
Ok, lets check out the onboard computer. Fire that sucker up and survey the hot spots. -click- .... As the glow of the crt bathes the room in its light, Bundy notices something in the corner of the briefing room. Two small reflections pinpoint the location of someone, or something, in the room with him. Acting as if he doens't suspect anything, Bundy continues as if nothing is amiss.
Hmm... pretty slow tonight. Not much action out there. "Well, Betsy, we have to go check it out anyway. I am sure we can get into something if we look hard enough". As he walks across the room, Bundy flips a switch and the room is suddenly as bright as day. Before the shadows even recede, the intruder has the business end of a Remington 700-PSS boresighted on him.
"Ok, Moriarty, you can come out now."
"WHAT! How did you know it is me? I am wearing a ski mask! You can't possibly tell it is me."
"Oh yes I can. I did, didn't I?"
"But how did you know, Bundy?"
But Bundy just chuckles. Finally he says, "It's the eyes, Moriarty. It's the eyes..." And then Bundy bursts out laughing. He laughs so hard he drops his peanut butter sando in the floor of the bunker. He picks it up and tosses it to Moriarty, who is looking very puzzled.
"Well since you are here, give Greedy Fly a call and you guys help me work on a defensive strategy. I need help in a bad way."
"What are you talking about?"
Right at that moment, a Klaxon interrupts the quiet. AhhhOOOga! AhhhOOOga! AhhhOOOga! SKRAUT ALERT! SKRAUT ALERT! SKRAUT ALERT!
Moriarty looks at Bundy, not understanding because this is his first SKRAUT ALERT. This is also the first time he has seen Bundy look so concerned. After all, if you aren't safe in Fort Bundy, where are you safe?
"Moriarty, quick. Get Greedy Fly on tactical. Get him over here and you guys beef up the outer perimeter. Quick!"
"BUNDY! Wait a minute. What the heck is a SKRAUT ALERT?"
Bundy sighs and says, "That, my friend, is the worst sound a sniper could ever hear. It means that Skraut is in the area. Usually, it is too late when you hear it. It is frequently the last thing ever heard from a sniper as he is sawn in half. I hear that he travels around with a Medic and an Engineer now, just to replenish himself. Do you know what this means? It means he is a walking TANK! That hates snipers!"
-to be continued
[the next day]
Bundy remembers one of the first times he went up against Skraut. 2fort23, red team defense. Sniper ledge, right side. Major assault underway, blues everywhere. Pre-sentry guns, when you actually had to defend your ramps.
Ranksmellin' had the left side, I had the right. We were both covering the bridge and had MonkeySpanQ keeping the rocket jumpers in check. Life was good :) A demoman comes running out of the blue fort, running from right to left. As he nears the bridge, CRAAAAACK! *SPLAT!* Gibs. Life is good.
A soldier jumps off the upper deck, makes it about half way down and CRAAAAACK! *SPLAT!*. Soldier remains litter the lawn. Nice shot, Rank. Uh oh! Look out! I get on the tactical and announce "Medic in the water!" and jump off to intercept him. I make my way back to greet the nice Doctor. If he can make a house call, the least I can do is to meet him, right? Me, and Betsy :) Heh heh...
As I approch the top of the stairs leading up from the water entrance, I see something lumbering my way. From the way it is waddling, I can see it is a HWGuy. Hmm.... I have a medic coming up to dispense ebola to everyone and now I have a fat boy in my way. No problem. I will take out the HW and call for reinforcements on the Doc. I back up to get out of his effective range and immediately hear whiiiiRRRRRRRRR! POW-POW-POW-POW-POW-POW! I squeeze off a shot. He staggers slightly as I run trying to get behind him. Uhoh, this one is quick. I can hardly see through the smoke and almost fall down in the expended brass from his assault cannon.
Oh, no! Here comes a grenade at me. As I prepare to go mirv-surfing, a pyro comes down to back me up. Since the HW was wearing his mega armor, all he did was smoke a little as he closed in on me. As I heard his cannon spool up to launch a wall of lead, I know it was now or never. I backed up into the corner as far as I could and sighted in on him. CRAAAAACK! *SPLAT!* Bundy takes a bullet in the chest. Crap! He drew me out in the open and I was killed by the enemy sniper. I wonder, did he deliberately put me in that position, or was he just lucky? Either way, he wins. Well, we will see, won't we?
I call in to the team to let them know that we now have a Medic and HW guy inside. As I respawn and make my way to the ramps, I hear, "Firebug sawn in half by Skraut", and then, "Ranksmellin' sawn in half by Skraut". That is when I knew that life wasn't so good any more. Now we have a battle on our hands. This guy is not only good, he is smart, too. So, I bind a key that says "SKRAUT ALERT!" because I know I will need it. By the way, this was before we had message mode2 and the bad guys listend in on everything you said. Not good.
I look around for the big guy, and don't see him. Hmm.... Normally, when someone gets inside, they either go for the flag, or try to torture the snipes. I make the mistake of assuming that he is going for the flag. So, I mount up and head to my post on the sniper deck. If he does somehow get the flag, I can surely stop him on the bridge. We have a pyro inside the blue fort covering the water entrance, so he will be stopped there. Life is good again, right?
Wrong. As I get close to my hide, I hear that distinctive whirrr of an assault cannon again! As I turn to try to get off at least one round and a grenade and flare, I slip in something (gibs?). Before I hit, it was all over anyway. "Bundy is sawn in half by Skraut". I hit my key and give the warning. "SKRAUT ALERT!" echoes through everyone's head set. Then, I hear something that I would come to hate. "I hate snipers. HAHAHAA!" Needless to say, he made my life (lives?) miserable the entire game. I was not able to snipe, so I had to change classes. I picked up a flamethrower and tried it on him. Couldn't get close enough! Tried to fry him with napalm. No joy. He somehow was managing to steal enough supplies to keep going. Ammo was no problem since he was taking all mine! Life was not so good again.
"BUNDY! What ARE you doing?" It is Moriarty. He has Greedy Fly and Flynx in tow. "Kinlord and Game Master are on the way with some HE (High Explosives) and DieHard said he has a spare sentry. Where is this Skraut guy?
I make my way to the ammo dispenser looking for some depleted uranium rounds. I know that I am going to need them to take this guy out. A couple of DE's and maybe a grenade or two will do it, I think to myself...
"Yo, Bundy! You in there?" It is Skraut.
"Yeah, I'm here. I knew you would come back."
"You know it. Are you ready?"
Ready for what? I rack my brain. Darn that CRS! What is that one-man-gang doing here?
So, I fake it :)
"Yeah, I guess so. Whenever you're ready, big boy."
Ok, get ready guys. Here they come. We all regroup at the supply room and make a stand there when he gets past us, ok?
"Ok, Bundy. I am coming in. I thought you would never get around to finishing that interview you started a year ago. 'Bout time, you hump!"
DOH! That's right! Between all the conc grenades and CRS, I had forgotten that Skraut was coming over today. Well, at least it brought back some good memories...