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Friends and strangers alike, bring thy hands together in rhythmic banging to welcome to our humble forums a hero of enormous renown, the man who revolutionized bloody violent FPSs, Doom Guy!
[Applause]
Q1- Welcome, Doom Guy, and may I say what a privilege it is to have you here.
Doom Guy- Thank you, thank you.
Q1- Just out of curiosity, what were you doing when you got my letter of summons?
Doom Guy- I was moving my couch and watching Garfield. Cat cracks me up.
Q1- Alright. Well, we have another special guest with us today, he specially requested to be present when I did this interview with you. He's a big fan of yours. I'd like you to meet Quake Guy.
Doom Guy- Hello, Quake Guy. Good to meet another hero. I've heard a lot about you.
Quake Guy- You've- you've heard of me?
Doom Guy- Certainly. Seems you've saved the earth from demons a few times yourself. Good on ya. Not every man can say they've plunged into the depths of a realm of pure evil and come out on top.
Quake Guy- *star struck*
Q1- Well, we'll get back to him, he's probably a little stunned to finally meet his big hero. So, first things first, do you have a real name, or shall we just call you Doom Guy?
Doom Guy- Sky.
Q1- ...Sky??
Quake Guy- Sky?!?!
Doom Guy- Yep. Mother was a hippie.
Q1- Well then...Sky...I-I'm sorry, I can't call you that, I'll jut stick with Doom Guy. Let's get a little background information. Where did you come from? What do you like to do when you aren't punching demons in the face?
Doom Guy- Born in Missouri in a little town that hasn't been discovered yet. Did pretty good in high school, got a hefty score on my SAT, got into Duke. Put in my four years and got a business degree. On a wild hair, me and a buddy of mine decided to draft ourselves into the space marine corps and see where it led us. Didn't count on what happened next...colonies on Phobos were invaded and the entire moon of Demos was captured by Hell's minions. Never did find out what happened to my buddy, Nathan. Had a pet bunny...demons killed her. Had a family back home, ma, pa, bro, dog...demons killed them. War is hell, ain't it?
Q1- I see...your losses must have tempered you into the mighty warrior you are now.
Doom Guy- Partially. Really, I just like seein demon guts flyin around after they get hit with a rocket.
Quake Guy- Hell yeah!!
Q1- What about behind the scenes? Do you have any hobbies? Any particular music or movies you like?
Doom Guy- Weapons is my hobby. I like building them, taking them apart, making them better...they're far more than just tools of destruction. They're an art. Music? I like 90's grunge more than anything else. Never cared much for TV.
Q1- What was Hell like?
Doom Guy- Cold. Surprisingly cold. For a place everyone seems to think is nothing for burning brimstone, it's ice cold, and the cold cuts right to your soul. Not as dark as I thought it'd be, either. There's always some torches or lamps lit up. Visually, Hell ain't that different from Earth...it's just more honest. Hell's demons are what they are...demons. Inside and out. Earth, we got demons disguised as people pretending to be good, but just waiting for that opportunity to stab their brother in the back to take whatever he has for themselves. Truthfully...I'd rather be back in Hell. 'Least there, I know everything is out to kill me.
Q1- Do you ever worry about PTSD?
Doom Guy- No.
Q1- Do you have any particular loyalty to anyone or anything?
Doom Guy- Not really. I suppose I fought for the US because I live here...don't have any great love for the government, though.
Q1- What about faith?
Doom Guy- That's difficult for me to answer. I've been to Hell, so I know it's real. That alone really makes me wonder if there is a heaven or a God. If there is a God, I got nothin' against Him. Before my solo sojourn into Hell, I wouldn't have said that. Didn't believe in a damn thing before that, and didn't care to. It takes a real freaky-ass experience to change a man.
Quake Guy- Amen, brother.
Q1- What's your favorite weapon?
Doom Guy- Rocket Launcher. Next question.
Q1- Is there anything special about you that you think separates you from the rest of the rank and file?
Doom Guy- Not really. I got the same training as the rest of em...maybe I just got more guts than they do...or maybe I just like spilling guts more than they do. I dunno. Was pretty fortunate finding all those weapons, ammo, and medical supplies just a-lyin' around, though.
Q1- Ok, here is a question for both of you that I know everyone reading is wanting to know: Between the two of you, who would win in a fight?
[Long silence]
Doom Guy- Quake Guy.
Quake Guy- Doom Guy.
Q1- ....well, that was anti-climactic...
Q1- Quakeone.com also wants to know what you two think of Duke Nukem.
Doom Guy- He's a tool.
Quake Guy- He's a tool.
Q1- Doom Guy, after having a look around, what do you think of our little community here? Do you find it impressive that Quake still has a following after this many years?
Doom Guy- Indeed. Even though my game is older, it probably doesn't have as many people left playing it as Quake does. Well done, Quake Guy.
Quake Guy- Thanks.
Doom Guy- This is a good group, though. I poked around a bit in that story you've been writing, Mr. Interviewer. It's good. Keep at it.
Quake Guy- Hey, I've been meaning to ask you about that. Is the character Ray really based on me?
Q1- Uhh...well, I guess he is. Yeah.
Quake Guy- ...alright then. I guess that's ok. I don't think I'm quite that weird, though. Dude needs more Rocket Launcher, too.
Q1- Alright, alright, I think it's about time to wrap this up.
Quake Guy- Seriously, this is Quake, not Elder Scrolls. Moar gunz.
Q1- Thank you both for your time. Doom Guy, it was a pleasure to meet you.
Doom Guy- Pleasure's all mine. Good to meet you, Quake Guy.
Quake Guy- Give Ray more quad damages and let him obliterate some zombies and stuff, too.
Q1- Good night, everybody.
[Applause]
Q1- Welcome, Doom Guy, and may I say what a privilege it is to have you here.
Doom Guy- Thank you, thank you.
Q1- Just out of curiosity, what were you doing when you got my letter of summons?
Doom Guy- I was moving my couch and watching Garfield. Cat cracks me up.
Q1- Alright. Well, we have another special guest with us today, he specially requested to be present when I did this interview with you. He's a big fan of yours. I'd like you to meet Quake Guy.
Doom Guy- Hello, Quake Guy. Good to meet another hero. I've heard a lot about you.
Quake Guy- You've- you've heard of me?
Doom Guy- Certainly. Seems you've saved the earth from demons a few times yourself. Good on ya. Not every man can say they've plunged into the depths of a realm of pure evil and come out on top.
Quake Guy- *star struck*
Q1- Well, we'll get back to him, he's probably a little stunned to finally meet his big hero. So, first things first, do you have a real name, or shall we just call you Doom Guy?
Doom Guy- Sky.
Q1- ...Sky??
Quake Guy- Sky?!?!
Doom Guy- Yep. Mother was a hippie.
Q1- Well then...Sky...I-I'm sorry, I can't call you that, I'll jut stick with Doom Guy. Let's get a little background information. Where did you come from? What do you like to do when you aren't punching demons in the face?
Doom Guy- Born in Missouri in a little town that hasn't been discovered yet. Did pretty good in high school, got a hefty score on my SAT, got into Duke. Put in my four years and got a business degree. On a wild hair, me and a buddy of mine decided to draft ourselves into the space marine corps and see where it led us. Didn't count on what happened next...colonies on Phobos were invaded and the entire moon of Demos was captured by Hell's minions. Never did find out what happened to my buddy, Nathan. Had a pet bunny...demons killed her. Had a family back home, ma, pa, bro, dog...demons killed them. War is hell, ain't it?
Q1- I see...your losses must have tempered you into the mighty warrior you are now.
Doom Guy- Partially. Really, I just like seein demon guts flyin around after they get hit with a rocket.
Quake Guy- Hell yeah!!
Q1- What about behind the scenes? Do you have any hobbies? Any particular music or movies you like?
Doom Guy- Weapons is my hobby. I like building them, taking them apart, making them better...they're far more than just tools of destruction. They're an art. Music? I like 90's grunge more than anything else. Never cared much for TV.
Q1- What was Hell like?
Doom Guy- Cold. Surprisingly cold. For a place everyone seems to think is nothing for burning brimstone, it's ice cold, and the cold cuts right to your soul. Not as dark as I thought it'd be, either. There's always some torches or lamps lit up. Visually, Hell ain't that different from Earth...it's just more honest. Hell's demons are what they are...demons. Inside and out. Earth, we got demons disguised as people pretending to be good, but just waiting for that opportunity to stab their brother in the back to take whatever he has for themselves. Truthfully...I'd rather be back in Hell. 'Least there, I know everything is out to kill me.
Q1- Do you ever worry about PTSD?
Doom Guy- No.
Q1- Do you have any particular loyalty to anyone or anything?
Doom Guy- Not really. I suppose I fought for the US because I live here...don't have any great love for the government, though.
Q1- What about faith?
Doom Guy- That's difficult for me to answer. I've been to Hell, so I know it's real. That alone really makes me wonder if there is a heaven or a God. If there is a God, I got nothin' against Him. Before my solo sojourn into Hell, I wouldn't have said that. Didn't believe in a damn thing before that, and didn't care to. It takes a real freaky-ass experience to change a man.
Quake Guy- Amen, brother.
Q1- What's your favorite weapon?
Doom Guy- Rocket Launcher. Next question.
Q1- Is there anything special about you that you think separates you from the rest of the rank and file?
Doom Guy- Not really. I got the same training as the rest of em...maybe I just got more guts than they do...or maybe I just like spilling guts more than they do. I dunno. Was pretty fortunate finding all those weapons, ammo, and medical supplies just a-lyin' around, though.
Q1- Ok, here is a question for both of you that I know everyone reading is wanting to know: Between the two of you, who would win in a fight?
[Long silence]
Doom Guy- Quake Guy.
Quake Guy- Doom Guy.
Q1- ....well, that was anti-climactic...
Q1- Quakeone.com also wants to know what you two think of Duke Nukem.
Doom Guy- He's a tool.
Quake Guy- He's a tool.
Q1- Doom Guy, after having a look around, what do you think of our little community here? Do you find it impressive that Quake still has a following after this many years?
Doom Guy- Indeed. Even though my game is older, it probably doesn't have as many people left playing it as Quake does. Well done, Quake Guy.
Quake Guy- Thanks.
Doom Guy- This is a good group, though. I poked around a bit in that story you've been writing, Mr. Interviewer. It's good. Keep at it.
Quake Guy- Hey, I've been meaning to ask you about that. Is the character Ray really based on me?
Q1- Uhh...well, I guess he is. Yeah.
Quake Guy- ...alright then. I guess that's ok. I don't think I'm quite that weird, though. Dude needs more Rocket Launcher, too.
Q1- Alright, alright, I think it's about time to wrap this up.
Quake Guy- Seriously, this is Quake, not Elder Scrolls. Moar gunz.
Q1- Thank you both for your time. Doom Guy, it was a pleasure to meet you.
Doom Guy- Pleasure's all mine. Good to meet you, Quake Guy.
Quake Guy- Give Ray more quad damages and let him obliterate some zombies and stuff, too.
Q1- Good night, everybody.
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