Jeff Foxworthy's You know you're a Noob when...

[Nate]

I have seen a few new faces around on the servers within the past few months and just wanted to give these new guys a little advice as to how to distinguish yourselves different from those that are Noobs so that you may better fit in and not be targeted by the more experienced players.


You know you are a noob when:

1. You always go color Green on a CA server
2. You C-C into every match regardless of circumstances
3. Every round you lose your Grenade Launcher due to spam
4. You believe that Rune quake is the most talented quake mod
5. You call people bots/cheater every time someone kills you
6. You've recently changed ISP's, and figured you would change your name so that no one knows who you are
7. You have binded words like haha, , rofl, lol
8. You have created quake name messages for message mode 1 talk
9. Quake.shmack.net:26000 is your favorite server
10. You screenshot every 1on1 victory you have for future leverage, meanwhile all losses were unlucky or anomalies with no documentation
11. The only maps you know are dm3 and start
12. You camp Rocket Launcher on Dm3 and spam nails all round
13. You type in all CAPS
14. You leave the server with quotes like “I own you” *disconnect
15. You use "I'll try this game" or "Please, I'd own you if I tried" as an excuse for ironically "Being a noob."


If you can stay away from these 14, you may be able to fit in a little better than some players who have been playing for years..

Please feel free to leave a message of some that you feel are dead give-aways for the “How to be a noob for dummy’s.” If I like them, I’ll edit my post and put it up there

[Phenom]

You know your a noob when you yell "I'm not trying!"

[QuadRaptor]

You know you're a noob when you run into a group of enemies and think you're going to win.

You know you're a noob when you get shafted in the back as soon as the round starts, and then cry about it.

[Canadian*Sniper]

7. You have binded words like haha, , rofl, lol

Baker uses "hehe". Does that count?

You know you're a noob when you run into a group of enemies and think you're going to win.

You're a bigger noob is you were one of these enemies and got owned by the single soldier

[Souless]

Theres nothing noobish about being aggresive and trying to excell in Skill by facing 3 guys at one time.

[Phenom]

If you've been nicknamed Anything ending in Bitch Tits... You're a noob.

P.S I agree with Souless. Theres nothing noobish about trying to give your self a very hard challange, thats actually making you better at fighting multipule enemies which happens alot in Clan Arena and on other Mods except for mods like RA

[Solecord]

haha

how about you're a noob if you camp sng boxes in ca until the rest of your team is dead or they do all the work?? :-/

[Souless]

How about you know your a noob when you complain about being spamed and killed.... Pay more attention to what your doing you idiot..The only time i die from spam is if i'm not paying attention and i go around obvious spam corners...

[Phenom]

You know your a noob when you get telefragged.

[QuadRaptor]

You know you're a newb when you telefrag your own teammate and then are proud about it. (Phen )

[QuadRaptor]

You're a noob when you play a 2 v 2, and it comes down to you and someone else, and neither of you can find each other in the map, so therefore you declare the other person to be a "camper".

Good example is Lust.

[Mindf!3ldzX]

Your a boob when you worry about a "Cup Size" while shopping for underclothing.


...wait,you said Noob.

You know your a noob when your french canadian , and say "DO IT,DO IT NOW" or... "BLUE FIRST,GET BLUE FIRST".

Poor Mark , that french canadian bastard now has a 80ping and STILL plays like a noob. RL window / spam sng , h20 fight = sng.

[Souless]

You know your a noob when your almost full health in the water fighting someone with 30 health and die while trying to ssg that person to death..

[Phenom]

If your opponent frequently uses axe to kill you while themself still having 80% health your a noob

If you believe the super secret cheatcode that makes the people you see owning consistently of pressing ALT+F4 your a noob.

If you don't know who John Carmack is your a noob.

If your idol is Tical, your a noob

if you still type in "connect rage.quakeone.com:26000" your a noob, Common everyone uses alias these days, everyone does it.

if you don't have an autoexec.cfg with atleast +mlook, cl_bob 0 in it you are a definite noob.

If you think Farcry, Battlefield/2, Prey are superior games to Quake then you are a noob of the whole FPS genre.

If every time you press your TEAM LOCS binded key you spam "I AM @ L%" you are a noob.

[QuadRaptor]

If you keep trying to convince people that typing "kill" in console gives you free frags, quad, pent, or some other bonus, then you're a total noob.