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A 400 pound Waitress approaches Stung in a bar, who looks pale and weak after an 18 hour stint of quake and whining when killed in an unfashionable way. For some odd reason, she finds him mildly attractive.
"Hey honey, you look tired and thirsty. I just know you want a beer and a nightcap!" she says, twirling one of her pigtails and batting her eyelashes.
Stung, who is resting his head on a 1000 page textbook on logic that he carries around with him so that everybody knows he is the fucking man, glances at the flirting waitress and is instantly enamored by her larger than life beauty. Deciding that he must win her over, he opens up to page two of his textbook and recites her comment in the form of a truth table at the top of the page. He concludes that If talking in logic doesn't impress her, nothing will.
"Hey babe, your statement is reduced to a true and false value. It's true if I want to consume a beer and fornicate with you, but false otherwise. It's probable I would be considering at least one of those things, however, thus you would have been more reasonable in using an 'or' statement. Then your statement would be more likely to be true."
"Talking like that will never get you laid," she says, staring at him coldly.
"Logical fallacy!" he screams. "Been fuckin bitches since '99."
"Whatever," she says passively, and proceeds to walk away.
"Idiot!" yells Stung from his bar stool, staring at her jiggling ass as she makes her way through the bar . "You don't matter, you're irrelvant," he pouts like a child. Then, he whispers, "Come back...I need you badly..."
"Shut the fuck up, Stung. Your pathetic," says JR, standing before him. He had been listening to the conversation in a dark corner and decided to come over and mock him.
Stung pretends to ignore JR and stares up at the ceiling.
"He's setting aside his insecurity-induced, overblown ego to focus on me! Quite the compliment really," says Stung, not meeting JR's eyes. "If I don't look right at him, I can tell people I'm really ignoring his comments about me being pathetic, when really I'm responding to it so that he can still hear me." (see thread when he tells me that he is ignoring JR's comment about him being pathetic, then read his comments on JR's poll thread where he insults JR back in an indirect way, thus telling me a 'false' statement)
"STFU. 1on1 Aerowalk, right now pussy," says JR, flexing his biceps.
"Scared bitch? Gonna get me banned from rage cause I own EXL?"
"JR," says Stung in his rational tone. "This particular modification justifies a strict course of action such as banning your lame fucking ass from rage."
"Fuck you. I don't try to impress anyone with talk like that. Clearly you have something to prove."
"I prove logic," said Stung simply.
"Rock, Paper, Scissors, right now ***!"
Stung agrees to the challenge and thinks, (if paper beats rock, and rock beats scissors, the transitive law states that paper will beat scissors. X>Y, Y>Z, then logically X>Z. Therefore I'll just play paper then be invincible like usual.)
Stung plays paper, JR plays Scissors.
"I owned you!" yelled JR, raising his arms in triumph. "I'm the fucking greatest."
"No you didn't, Idiot," says Stung. "My logical gameplay is undefeatable."
"Scissors cuts paper, you homo," says JR, giving him the middle finger.
"That's illogical!" screams Mr. Spock... errr Stung. (Or is it? Could the transitive rule have failed me? I can't let him know, so I better use my vocabulary to throw him a curveball. It might be enough to thwart him) "You aren't a qualified authority on evaluating the veracity of how I perceive the end results of the game. I am. Therefore your evaluation of the result is irrelevent."
"Wtf man!" says JR, who was taken aback by the intense vocabularly and begins to shake violently. To counteract the effect, he allows his immense conceit to take over the situation. "I'm John Rocker. I spell my name with an x!"
Unfortunately for the citizens of Earth, John Rocker's ego hits overload and explodes, destroying the entire planet and sending out bits of his DNA across the galaxy. In millions of years, an alien species will incorporate his DNA into their evolution, and will be heard greeting each other by saying, "STFU ***".
- by spazm
(I guess the ending means my title was a logical fallacy, doesn't it?
)
"Hey honey, you look tired and thirsty. I just know you want a beer and a nightcap!" she says, twirling one of her pigtails and batting her eyelashes.
Stung, who is resting his head on a 1000 page textbook on logic that he carries around with him so that everybody knows he is the fucking man, glances at the flirting waitress and is instantly enamored by her larger than life beauty. Deciding that he must win her over, he opens up to page two of his textbook and recites her comment in the form of a truth table at the top of the page. He concludes that If talking in logic doesn't impress her, nothing will.
"Hey babe, your statement is reduced to a true and false value. It's true if I want to consume a beer and fornicate with you, but false otherwise. It's probable I would be considering at least one of those things, however, thus you would have been more reasonable in using an 'or' statement. Then your statement would be more likely to be true."
"Talking like that will never get you laid," she says, staring at him coldly.
"Logical fallacy!" he screams. "Been fuckin bitches since '99."
"Whatever," she says passively, and proceeds to walk away.
"Idiot!" yells Stung from his bar stool, staring at her jiggling ass as she makes her way through the bar . "You don't matter, you're irrelvant," he pouts like a child. Then, he whispers, "Come back...I need you badly..."
"Shut the fuck up, Stung. Your pathetic," says JR, standing before him. He had been listening to the conversation in a dark corner and decided to come over and mock him.
Stung pretends to ignore JR and stares up at the ceiling.
"He's setting aside his insecurity-induced, overblown ego to focus on me! Quite the compliment really," says Stung, not meeting JR's eyes. "If I don't look right at him, I can tell people I'm really ignoring his comments about me being pathetic, when really I'm responding to it so that he can still hear me." (see thread when he tells me that he is ignoring JR's comment about him being pathetic, then read his comments on JR's poll thread where he insults JR back in an indirect way, thus telling me a 'false' statement)
"STFU. 1on1 Aerowalk, right now pussy," says JR, flexing his biceps.
"Scared bitch? Gonna get me banned from rage cause I own EXL?"
"JR," says Stung in his rational tone. "This particular modification justifies a strict course of action such as banning your lame fucking ass from rage."
"Fuck you. I don't try to impress anyone with talk like that. Clearly you have something to prove."
"I prove logic," said Stung simply.
"Rock, Paper, Scissors, right now ***!"
Stung agrees to the challenge and thinks, (if paper beats rock, and rock beats scissors, the transitive law states that paper will beat scissors. X>Y, Y>Z, then logically X>Z. Therefore I'll just play paper then be invincible like usual.)
Stung plays paper, JR plays Scissors.
"I owned you!" yelled JR, raising his arms in triumph. "I'm the fucking greatest."
"No you didn't, Idiot," says Stung. "My logical gameplay is undefeatable."
"Scissors cuts paper, you homo," says JR, giving him the middle finger.
"That's illogical!" screams Mr. Spock... errr Stung. (Or is it? Could the transitive rule have failed me? I can't let him know, so I better use my vocabulary to throw him a curveball. It might be enough to thwart him) "You aren't a qualified authority on evaluating the veracity of how I perceive the end results of the game. I am. Therefore your evaluation of the result is irrelevent."
"Wtf man!" says JR, who was taken aback by the intense vocabularly and begins to shake violently. To counteract the effect, he allows his immense conceit to take over the situation. "I'm John Rocker. I spell my name with an x!"
Unfortunately for the citizens of Earth, John Rocker's ego hits overload and explodes, destroying the entire planet and sending out bits of his DNA across the galaxy. In millions of years, an alien species will incorporate his DNA into their evolution, and will be heard greeting each other by saying, "STFU ***".
- by spazm
(I guess the ending means my title was a logical fallacy, doesn't it?
)
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